Open letter from Ravi Shastri explaining India’s defeat to New Zealand

Dear Indians,

That was not what the doctor ordered. I mean, that was not what I ordered. I ordered Idli, Dosa, Meru Vada and Rava Dosa, but instead they gave me Robin Uthappa. If India were to win yesterday, they should had played well, but the team didn’t.

Before the second innings, I told the boys that you will look to score runs while New Zealand will be looking to take wickets. I also warned them that as the night progresses, it is only going to get hotter.

Even before the game began, I had a feeling that this is going to be really close because Santner has this habit of taking wickets. Also, Luke Ronchi is a compulsive hooker and got 15 runs in the last over by flashing and flashing hard. His shots rushed to the boundary like a tracer bullet.

Then Virat Kohli came and showed that he likes batting. But when the wickets kept falling, it became a pressure cooker situation. The problem with our players was that they often took the aerial route and they paid the price for it.

Most of our players departed the pitch without tickling the scorers at all. And here I was hoping that they would be tickled so hard that they would give us some extra runs by mistake. But by the end of the game, we were outperformed by New Zealand in all three departments.

What we needed while New Zealand batted was wickets, but we gave more than we took. I sensed that something’s going to give. In the end, we gave away our wickets as easily as Shahid Afridi retires and then returns.

As Dhawan got out, I kept hoping because as long as Rohit Sharma is there, you can never write off India. Then when he got out, I still hoped because as long as Virat Kohli is there, you can never write off India. Then when he got out, I still hoped because as long as MS Dhoni is there, you can never write off India.

Basically, you can never write off India as long as someone is batting.

Before going to play, I told the guys that the new ball would be crucial, the middle overs would be crucial and the final overs would be crucial. It seems as though they weren’t paying attention.

But at the end of the day, cricket was the winner. So it was all very good.

Yours truly,

Ravi Shastri.

NOTE: This is a completely made up piece consisting of cliché commentary quotes said by Ravi Shastri during his time as a commentator.