SATIRE: Rahul Dravid's fans claim victory over Sachinists after Sharapova says she knows 'The Wall'

Rahul Dravid fans have claimed moral victory over Sachin Tendulkar devotees after Maria Sharapova said she knows ‘the wall’

After Maria Sharapova's 'inconsiderate' remarks yesterday, Sachin Tendulkar fans were further enraged today when the Russian superstar said she was well aware of who Rahul Dravid was.

"Oh yes, I love The Wall!" Sharapova said. "Ever since my childhood, when I started practicing tennis, I was hooked."

Just after hearing the comments, unable to hide their excitement, taking Sharapova's remarks as the ultimate gospel, worldwide Dravid fans were quick to start wild celebrations, calling it a much deserved victory for Dravid-ians. (Not to be confused with the natives)

"For years we have suffered under the oppression of Sachin-ists, they who revelled in their deity's statistics and never let us get the top comment on Facebook, when the question was asked - 'Who's better - Sachin or Dravid?'.

"Sharapova's word will now prove to all those glory hunters that 'The Wall' after all, was the true lord of the game," said Gaurav, the owner of the Facebook page 'I was alive when Rahul Dravid blocked the ball'.

Sachin fans meanwhile have taken their frustration to the next level, calling for a ban of all sweet products from Russia after Googling about Sharapova and finding out that she has a candy brand, named Sugarpova.

"It's outrageous! People stopped breathing when Sachin used to bat! Who's this Sharapova? Has she ever hit a hundred? Even in the subcontinent?" queried a furious Sachin fan who had just finished sharing 63 anti-Sharapova posts in the last one hour after reading a status message on his timeline.

On the other hand, Sharapova fans in India, after being overwhelmed initially by the huge wave of Sachin-ists, have gathered together to give their support to the tennis star.

"Barack Obama said that USA's productivity goes down by half when Sachin bats, but have you seen the complete statistics? Irrespective of whether Sharapova is playing or not, the productivity during night hours goes down by as much as 90% in many countries, including India, with Google showing a high surge in Sharapova-related searches during those hours. And it's a regular phenomena.

"Sachin can never dream of such consistency," said Hardik, a self confessed diehard Sharapova fan.

Despite the setback, Sachin fans are not looking to go down quietly. In the latest bout of Facebook activism, several petitions have gone up asking Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi to include a new subject on Sachin Tendulkar in CBSE syllabus. Earlier this year, a chapter on Rahul Dravid was included in Kannada textbooks for Std. X.

The petition has found strong support within the ruling party.

“If Rahul Dravid can find a place in the textbooks, there should be an entire subject on Sachin Tendulkar, and Ms. Sharapova must apply for the course as soon as Wimbledon ends,” said union HRD minister Kriti Iraqi, claiming herself to be a PHD on the topic.

Giving his 2 cents on the controversy, Health Minister Harsh Bandhan said, “Ban Sharapova! Worshipping Sachin is a part of our Indian culture. One should promote the integrity of this relationship between fans and Sachin. This westernisation of our culture, to follow Premier League football and Wimbledon, is corrupting our nation.”

Disclaimer: This article is a piece of fiction.. just like the brains of those who’re ‘offended’ by the whole ‘controversy’.