Attachment Styles: are all attachments secure?

Attachment styles form the basis of our relationship. (Image via Pexels/ Cottonbro)
Attachment styles form the basis of our relationship. (Image via Pexels/ Cottonbro)

Different methods for communicating and behaving in relationships define attachment styles. During early life, various attachment styles are centered on how children and parents interact.

Attachment theory claims that each of us has an attachment style that originated when we were very young. The attachment type created during your early interaction with your primary carers, as well as how they answered your needs, can have a significant impact on how you bond with the people around you.

What does your attachment pattern look like? (Image via Pexels/ Anete Lusina)
What does your attachment pattern look like? (Image via Pexels/ Anete Lusina)

What are Attachment Styles?

We bond with others based on the bonds we form with our caregivers. (Image via Freepik/ Freepik)
We bond with others based on the bonds we form with our caregivers. (Image via Freepik/ Freepik)

The bond we develop with our parents or caregivers defines our attachment style—the framework for how we will interact with others in the future. Understanding how they develop and emerge in our adult relationships is critical if you want to mature as an individual and in your relationships.

The interaction between the child and their figure of attachment might result in one of the four primary attachment styles. Attachment theory discusses how human connections are formed in a person's life, beginning in early childhood between a kid and their primary carers. This attachment can have an impact on one's adult relationships, including those with one's own kids, companions, acquaintances, and lovers.

Abuse, trauma, or challenges in a child's life can all contribute to an insecure attachment type, including avoidant attachment or ambivalent attachment. Learning to build a safe bond may seem unachievable or difficult for those with insecure personalities.


The 4 Types of Attachment Styles

Which style do you relate to? (Image via Freepik/ Freepik)
Which style do you relate to? (Image via Freepik/ Freepik)

Different ways of communicating and responding in relationships distinguish attachment styles. These attachment patterns are centered on how kids and their parents interact in early infancy.

Attachment styles are used to characterize attachment patterns in romantic partnerships in maturity. Attachment theory distinguishes four attachment styles, which are described below :

1) Secure

The ability to form healthy, long-lasting connections defines secure attachment. Secure attachment is the result of growing up feeling safe with your carers and being able to seek reassurance or validation without fear of punishment. Ultimately, during your early relationships, you felt protected, understood, reassured, and cherished.


2) Anxious

How do you deal with attachment anxiety? (Image via Freepik/ Freepik)
How do you deal with attachment anxiety? (Image via Freepik/ Freepik)

Anxious attachment, also known as preoccupied attachment, can result from uneven parenting, in which carers offer support at times but are emotionally unreachable and less responsive to others.

Because of their caregiver's inconsistent signals, the youngster finds it difficult to forecast what will happen in the future. These inconsistent messages impair the child's capacity to acquire a healthy sense of his or her parents—and others'—availability.


3) Avoidant

Avoidant attachment style is characterized by a failure to form long-term relationships with others owing to a lack of physical and emotional intimacy.

Sometimes avoidant-producing parents are blatantly neglectful, while others are simply busy, mildly bored, and more concerned with grades, housework, or etiquette than feelings. As a result, these children develop a strong feeling of independence so they won't have to rely on others for care.


4) Disorganized

Disorganized attachment styles in children exhibit a lack of unambiguous attachment behavior. Their actions and responses to caretakers are frequently a mix of avoidance and defiance. These children have been described as having disoriented behavior, appearing bewildered or anxious in the presence of a caretaker


How to Develop a Secure Attachment Style?

How can you foster healthy attachments? (Image via Freepik/ Freepik)
How can you foster healthy attachments? (Image via Freepik/ Freepik)

When a child's caretakers respond reliably and consistently to their demands while giving freedom for exploration, secure attachment can emerge. The youngster realizes that they can rely on their carer. The safety they experience as children allows them to grow into an adequate understanding of self, to feel loved, and to feel steady enough to truly explore the world.

Furthermore, people with this attachment type have a model of what a safe connection looks like and believe they can recreate it in both friendships and romantic relationships.

However, the fact that emotional attachments develop early in life does not guarantee that you will always respond to relationships in a comparable way.


You are not alone if you struggle with attachment issues. Parenting is about shaping your child's future. If you strive to be there for them emotionally and physically, you can foster the stable attachment that leads to healthy adult behaviors.

You can obtain a better grasp of how the early bonds in your life may affect adult relationships by better understanding the role of attachment styles.

According to research, Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) efficiently cures long-term stress and trauma exposure, as well as the symptoms that may result. A therapist or other expert can also assist discover the deeper causes of your attachment type and provide you with the tools you need to feel more comfortable in relationships.


Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.


What do you think of this story? Tell us in the comments section below.

App download animated image Get the free App now