Therapist's tips on moving on from toxic positivity to genuine optimism

Toxic positivity can eat into our emotional lives. It has been well established that humans are capable of displaying a plethora of emotions. However, there are a few basic emotions like anger, sadness, joy, excitement, disgust and fear that we feel irrespective of the culture and background we come from.

When we start believing that we can't experience negative emotions and run at the very sight of them, we land up in the trap of toxic positivity. While genuine optimism is associated with well-being, toxic optimism can lead to a denial of your true emotions. Dealing with toxic positivity is not a straight-forward solution but is possible.

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How do you deal with toxic positivity?

Perhaps you are going through a lot and yet you decide to put up a strong face. (Image via Freepik/Wirestock)

Toxic positivity can be incredibly invalidating, not only for yourself but for anyone struggling with their mental health.

It often doesn’t feel supportive and tends to downplay their experiences. These empty 'positive' statements can do more harm than good. Here are some ways that can save you from the toxicity:

#1 Change your language

To avoid toxic positivity, one should refrain from using phrases that will invalidate others' feelings. Examples of toxic positivity include "everything happens for a reason," "you'll get over it," "it will all be fine," "don't be so negative," and similar phrases.

While these phrases may seem encouraging, they could be harmful if used at an inappropriate time. That's especially true when an individual is experiencing grief. By asking them 'to be strong' and telling them that 'it's going to be okay', we can interrupt a person's bereavement process.

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#2 Work on your emotional vocabulary

Work on building your emotional resilience and vocabulary. (Image via Freepik/Krakenimages.com)

When you start taking care of your emotional health, you start recognizing that there are certain negative emotions and experiences that need to be addressed. Being unrealistically positive can make you ignore these experiences. A lot of individuals dread facing their negative emotions.

However, these make our experiences more real and authentic. When you start labeling your emotions, you come closer to identifying the core issues.

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#3 Slow down and acknowledge experiences

A differentiating factor between genuine optimism and unrealistic optimism is slowing down. The former requires you to intentionally slow down and count your blessings. Maintaining a gratitude journal would help you foster it.

However, the latter would be a forced recollection of something positive, making it sound unreal. When you do so, you are able to accept the full range of human emotions.

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Toxic positivity can stem from various reasons. Perhaps you don't have the resources to deal with negative situations. It could also be that while growing up, you were forced to put up a strong face even though you were struggling internally.

Nevertheless, it's important to know that you are not alone. A lot of times we strive to protect ourselves, even when it means denying our reality. By working with a professional, you can come closer to being genuinely optimistic and leave toxic positivity behind.

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Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.

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