Will Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Orton at Summerslam 2016 be entertaining? Probably.
Will Lesnar beat Orton? Probably.
Does it matter? Probably not.
Let's get something straight: Brock Lesnar dominated exactly TWO rounds against Mark Hunt at UFC 200, NOT three. Trust me, I watched the fight. That second round was a wash at best.
Most fans called Brock getting knocked out in the first round via Hunt's lethal hands. Most fans were wrong.
Brock Lesnar "shocked" the world, but was it really a shock? Mark Hunt puts people to sleep like a heroin dealer explaining the differences between the NFL and the XFL. "If he connects just one good punch, Brock is done for." was the general attitude of most "experts," but have you SEEN Brock?!?
He is a legit monster regardless of his time spent away from real punching sports. Also, "If he connects just one good punch..." can spell the end for almost every situation you can imagine. Watch:
"If he connects just one good punch, Karl won't be able to tend to his garden and there will be no rhubarb pie for St. Swithin's Day this year!"
So yeah, I personally wasn't that surprised but I wouldn't have been if Brock had lost, either. That's not to take ANYTHING away from his win.
It's impressive as hell, especially coming back after retiring and nestling himself into a nice little spot in WWE. Very little work for very big money, all while making MORE money through his sandwich-sponsored short pants.
But now it's back to the land of fake punching and misspelled words and...Randy Orton?
Randy Orton is an impressively decorated, third generation WWE Superstar. He's been with WWE for almost 15 years, capturing multiple world titles, and solidifying his status as a main-eventer and future Hall Of Famer, with the capability to put on classic matches with many of his peers.
His biggest obstacle as of late has been the seemingly endless feuds with the same opponents over and over and Cena agai...I mean over again.
For the past few years the only thing I can clearly remember Orton doing was nailing Seth Rollins with the RKO of his career (that Curb Stomp reversal, yo) and pinning him clean at Wrestlemania 31...the same show that later had Rollins cash in his Money In The Bank case in the main event to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship.
So, good job, Randy?
I don't know. Orton seems to be the most memorable guy that I can't remember crap about. That's not his fault, though, that's just lazy booking.
In September of 2015, he was sidelined with a shoulder injury suffered in a St. Louis Street Fight against Hefty Gladstone at Randy's House Arena. Cleared to wrestle, his first battle back is against The Beast.
This match against Brock Lesnar at Summerslam is pretty exciting. They haven't gone toe-to-toe in well over a decade, so it's fresh. Orton is a top-tier athlete in sports entertainment with that extra HP boost that comes with "The Return Of..." hype.
Brock is, well, BROCK. How does The Eater Of Jimmy John's Gourmet Sandwiches lose to ANYONE after proving he can basically do anything he wants forever and get paid while doing it?
I don't think he does.
Pretty sure Randall's gonna get the Ol' Cena Summerslam Special. But while the match itself has plenty of potential, I'm actually more interested in the ramifications, if there even are any.
Let's say my prediction (fine, EVERYONE'S prediction) comes true. Brock Lesnar defeats Randy Orton by using The Viper's Kryptonite, being Brock Lesnar. Sure, that's everybody's Kryptonite, but still, who bets against Brock?
That just seems fiscally irresponsible and you should feel ashamed of yourself, your family should be embarrassed and your coworkers should taunt you mercilessly at the next office party.
So Brock gets the W, goes back to Brockanada for 3 or 4 months to rearrange forests with his bare hands, speaking with no other humans besides his wife and a hologram Paul Heyman and returning only to Doomsday whoever has the crappiest luck that month.
That's the only thing Randy has going for him. Brock probably won't stick around just to keep pummeling him into the mat. Brock has better things to not do while getting paid to not do them.
But what if Brock loses?
Certainly Vince McMahon is paying him enough to not care* about his fantasy win/loss record.
What does he care?
He has a wife, all the sandwiches, and he doesn't have to interact with anyone if he doesn't want to. I just paid to see him in a real fight and I didn't care if he won or lost. He's a draw no matter what.
*I would pay Brock to not beat me up, so I understand the whole "getting paid to NOT do stuff" thing he's got going the more I think about it.
It's like watching one hundred radioactive unicorns battle one hundred Agent Smiths from The Matrix. I don't understand it, It makes zero sense, I'm not sure if it matters who wins, but it's easily the coolest thing happening in the room.
All I'm saying is that it doesn't really matter if he wins or loses. He'll be fine either way. Realistically he should win, but if you're looking for reality you made a bunch of poor decisions on the way and you ended up on the internet reading about pro wrestling.
Life is hard, sometimes.
That means Randy gets the win, and why wouldn't he in most circumstances?
He's a returning Superstar with no real chance of being demoted to the mid-card for the remainder of his career. A win could plant him at the top of the mountain with sights firmly on the WWE's top accessory, (which is ironically a belt, and Orton rarely wears pants) the Heavyweight Championship.
It could set him up for one last dominant run as the face of the company, mixing it up with all the whipping and snapping influx of talent. But Brock Lesnar is not most circumstances. I think the most we can hope for is R dot Orton doesn't die during the match and moves on to fight new opponents.
Opponents who haven't gotten an early-90s-big-screen television set lodged in their chest.
A lot of people were upset when it was announced that Brock was gonna face Randy at SummerSlam, because iI guess a lot of people forgot that Randy has the capability of putting on entertaining matches, or that Brock just SHOWING UP somewhere is pretty damn entertaining.
Honestly though, a loss for either one isn't going to change their respective career trajectories very much.
Of course, a win for either can’t hurt, but Orton can take a loss without too much shame and Brock is gonna keep Brocking whether we want him to or not. I’m not that big of a Randy Orton fan, and while I am a Lesnar fan I never really care whether or not he wins or loses.
Just how he plays the game.
So this match, for me, is exciting for just existing. I’m into it for what it’s not: it’s not Orton vs. Cena and it’s not Brock doing nothing. As long as it's not a double count out. Yeesh, that would be terrible.
