The Challenge: CM Punk fights a bucket of ice

Last week on The Challenge: Ashley M eliminated Ashley K to no one’s surprise. Lolo was about to eliminate Tia, to no one’s surprise, until Lindsey asked Victor Cruz if she could replace Tia and fight Lolo herself. So Victor asks Lolo if it’s alright for Lindsey to sub in for Tia. Lolo looks at Wes for advice, because Lolo hates Wes the least out of everyone on the show. Wes shakes his head no, so Lolo’s all “NO WAY I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING YOU’RE TRYING TO MESS WITH MY HEAD!” and denies Lindsey her request. Then she dominates Tia in the Elimination, to the surprise of no one.

Real quick, every episode Victor Cruz seems like it's his first day. If you're going to have a host, get someone that wants to be there or can at least ACT like they want to be there. I know you guys know who the Miz is. He'd be great since he's done this kind of thing before. The next morning Wes takes Lolo to brunch because he is also used to everybody hating him. The most interesting thing I learned from their brunch was that that Lolo is 34 years old. She looks way younger. If you told me she was 21, I’d be like “Yeesh, she looks tired for a 21-year-old”, but I’d buy it. She looks incredible for 34. She’s also a virgin? Didn’t see that one coming.

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Telephone, tell a friend, Telemundo

This is an action shot from the first game. That’s how boring it is.

At the first team challenge, which is some weird, convoluted version of “Telephone,” the pros pick Gus as their team captain, and Darrell volunteers for the Champs. It’s actually a pretty tight back-and-forth competition for the most boring game to watch this side of bowling. The Champs pull out a victory, probably because Wes has played/won this game before. Sidenote: CT does a great imitation of the “I pick things up and put them down” guy from those commercials. Since the Pros lost, that means Gus is automatically in (the) Elimination (Chamber), but we have to see who the team will choose. Unsurprisingly, the Pros tie the votes up, again, forcing Gus to choose his own fate. He surprisingly picks CM, but I’m not worried. Punk's not bad at this game, so far.

Is this the end for CM Punk?

That bucket is filled with ice, some regret.

Darrell, being the winning team captain, picks Wes to go into Elimination. Since no one wants to even say CT’s name, everyone picks Jordan to go in against Wes, including Jordan. Instead of doing absolutely nothing but impressions on this episode, CT coaches Louise at the batting cage.

Sure, why not? Meanwhile, Jordan gives love/sex advice to Virgin Lolo. She’s frustrated that she’s still a virgin, and he’s frustrated that he has that moustache. If they got married, would their couples name be “Jordo” or Lordan?” I’m not going to get any sleep tonight thinking about that. Gus has a pretty sweet talk with Cara Maria about coming out while being a professional athlete. It made me like Gus and upset that I’ll be cheering against him during Elimination. I guess Cara Maria is a good person to open up to. She’s one of the few genuinely nice people on the show, and last season, if Laurel hadn’t eliminated her, she very well might be in a same-sex relationship today. Welp, my world gets shattered in Elimination, when the game is sticking your arms into a bucket of ice, then solving a sliding tile puzzle. Gus gets cheered on by the whole team, except Louise, who cheers for CM Punk, because Louise is great. Not great enough, because punk “freezes,” and loses the game, getting sent home. After that, which we’ll never speak of again, Wes battles Jordan to see who will probably get eliminated by CT in two weeks. Wes wins because Jordan’s moustache gets in the way, and he has a history of not winning stuff.

Kenny King from Ring Of Honor is on The Bachelorette, so at least CM Punk isn’t the only pro wrestler-turned-reality competition star on TV.

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