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The Clown Who Likes Losing

586   //    20 Jul 2011, 02:15 IST

Only a guy who is afraid of playoff pressure like Aramis Ramirez would say no to the possibility of a trade to a contender.

If you want to know just how bad it is for the Cubs, look no further than the situation they face with Aramis Ramirez. One of the main culprits on this lazy “dead ass” team who played like he didn’t have a heartbeat for most of this season, is, of course, getting hot when it means absolutely nothing. Ramirez took Roy Halladay deep for his 15th home run in his last 38 games during the Cubs 6-1 win over the Phillies on Monday night. This is one of the games that you’ll remember from this miserable season that can only be described as soooooo Cubs.

“I’m at the same point that I was at two weeks ago, three weeks ago,” Ramirez said. “Right now I’m not interested in a trade.”

And why would he be? Why have the burning desire to win a world series and hit free agency in the same year? Why have the foresight to buckle down, ball out down the stretch (and most likely the playoffs) for a contender like the Tigers, and make yourself more money that the $16 million that vests for next year if you are traded? If that makes sense to you, then you must enjoy competition and winning. I shouldn’t let lazy unmotivated athletes get to me, but this really pisses me off. How can one deal with this much Cubs misery? I mean, really Aramis?! I swear, you can’t make this shit up.

When it comes to winning with Ramirez, Please. He is just as happy hitting meaningless home runs and padding his stats so he can sucker some moronic GM into a 3-4 year deal at around $10-$12 million annually come November. I’m sorry, but that makes me sick to my stomach.

If I had the misfortune of having to put that Cub uniform on everyday, I would be preaching to my agent to get me the hell out of here. I would relish the chance to go play meaningful baseball games in September and October all while earning myself a ton of cash in the process.

Sadly, Ramirez just wants to continue his day care stint under the soon to be whacked manager Mike Quade. Whatever you do, Cubs fans, don’t buy this bullshit story from A-Ram…

“If I were to be single, by myself, yeah, I’d move anywhere and be in a hotel the last two months,” he said. “But it’s too tough with my family. I’ve earned the right to be in this position.”

Yes Aramis, you have earned it. Not by your play on the field, but by your contract. You are on the Jim Hendry no-trade clause all-stars which makes trading you even more difficult.

For those who don’t know, the Jim Hendry no-trade all-stars are stiffs like Ramirez, Alfonso Soriano, Kosuke Fukudome, Carlos Zambrano, & Jeff Samardzija. I know what you’re thinking, what kind of GM gives a Notre Dame wide receiver a no-trade clause?! Welcome to Cubs baseball, kids. When you look at what Tom Ricketts inherited, I’m stunned that he hasn’t committed suicide yet.

Honestly, writing about this organization makes me throw up in my mouth. It’s too tough with his family?! They can stay here for two months while you actually go and resemble a professional baseball player. You aren’t losing that money, Aramis!

I wish I could ask this guy what motivates him? I’m sure he would go into long diatribe that wouldn’t ever mention hoisting that dumb gold trophy that Bud Selig hands out every year.

If Hendry came to A-Ram with a trade (in-between trips to Portillo’s), Ramirez could negotiate an out with that team. It’s a win win for the lazy ass who hates running balls out. This next comment is my favorite…

“I would like to (stay), there’s no doubt,” Ramirez said. “I’ve been here for eight years and been in the playoffs (three times), but we haven’t gotten it done. Hopefully, we get one more opportunity.”

When, Aramis? Look around that tiny cluster fuck of a clubhouse–where do you see winning anytime soon? Hendry is likely to be fired (see, Ricketts does have a pulse), and a top baseball executive (Pat Gillick?) will then hire a GM. Then, that GM will bring in a manager who doesn’t let the inmates run the asylum. And guess what? None of them will want your rotting carcass around tanking it for three months as another year wastes away.

You don’t have a future here, so why not begin anew and help out the team that has overpaid your sorry ass for the last 3 years? It’s the least you can do. And trust me, Cubs fans will forever be grateful that you helped bring them 2-3 young prospects who might be on the team if/when they ever win a world series. If you stay and refuse to waive your no-trade, you will be vilified by Cubs nation whenever you come back here. At least by the smart Cubs fans (yes, there are some). So, it’s all up to you. Do your organization right one time. Do you have that in you? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

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Founder of the chi city sports fan website which is my vision & passion. Smart-ass, writer, & hooper. I master in busting balls, sarcasm & occasionally sports.
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