A Modest Proclamation: India Will Lose To Pakistan in Cricket World Cup Semifinal

For preventing the fans of India, from being a burden on their parents or country with over expectations, and for cushioning the blow to the publick.

India Will Lose To Pakistan.

This isn’t a casual statement. After hours of research on the internet I’ve arrived at the conclusion that an Indian loss to Pakistan in this World Cup is inevitable. My findings are meticulous and they’ll leave no room for doubt about the outcome of this match.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

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The Indian team isn’t in the best of shapes. Where do I begin? Let’s start with info from a Times of India article.

On the Indian team “We have never discussed DRS, lethargic fielding or diet plans or lack of innovation. The team well aware of their responsibilities. Seniors like Zaheer need not to be told anything. All in all we are ready.”

For first, the Indian team is ignorant of DRS. Ignorance maybe bliss but it won’t win matches. In cricket, players protest decisions vehemently. If the players argue an appeal too forcefully and the umpires see something too extreme on replay, that is bad news for the players. The umpires are human. They develop a bias throughout the course of a game. Catching the players wearing their emotions on their sleeves will hurt their credibility with the umpires, who as we all know can’t separate emotions from their profession.

Secondly, the team hasn’t considered lethargic fielding. Everyone knows you cannot go full throttle all the time. Here’s a quote from a commentator in Iverson’s first NBA game. “You know in a car you have an accelerator so you can vary the speed? Allen Iverson has one speed: On.” And we know how Iverson’s career panned out right? He’s playing in Turkey now.

The team has no contingency plan for easing off while fielding. They can’t realistically be expected to give 100% on every ball. That is just a setup for failure through fatigue. These players play so many matches every year. They travel innumerable miles. They couldn’t possibly be expected to field with gusto all through the game without their legs giving out.

Thirdly, no discussion of diet plans. A team is a well-oiled machine. For it to work, players ought to be functional mechanical cogs. Regretfully, our team is not being seen as a machine working under pre-specified variables. Rather, they are being given leeway to follow what has suited them best until now. Who is to say that a shakeup of their diet won’t help them?

Fourthly, the lines of communication seem to be in jeopardy. They say that the team is aware of its responsibilities and the seniors don’t need to be told anything. Can’t you picture the seniors yearning for the approval of their seniors? A few back-slaps could boost morale and make the difference between a win and a loss. But no. The Indians already know everything.

The source added, “Cannot inculcate any new skills at this level, nor is it required. Hence on optional practice days it is not necessary. Football and Volleyball is a good way to de-stress on optional practice days.”

I’m shaking my head reading this. Winners are winners because they outwork losers. Winners never place any limitations on their ability. Winners never dismiss the constant requirement of getting better. Winners especially don’t forgo their discipline in favour of frivolous pastimes. Football and volleyball my foot!

Fifthly, the Indian captain, Dhoni, has dabbled in other sports from time to time. A jack of all trades and master of none? Here’s his involvement in a basketball ad. You decide. I have no words.

Dhoni basketball ad

Dhoni has been doing ads left right and center. And most of them should be give to other sportsperson. Here are more of his ads which deserve to go to others:

MS Dhoni’s Endorsements And Suggestions For Other Sports in Ads.

“Meanwhile, Indian captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni has asked players not to get distracted by the hype about the Pakistan clash. Sources added that the team is happy that they struggled in the league phase of the mega sporting event, which will now help them take on any kind of pressure in the semifinal. The team is also drawing inspiration from expeditionist Mike Horn. The South African has been sharing his experiences to motivate Indian players to overcome challenges and pressure situations.”

Sixthly, that quote says that the Indian team is happy for its struggles in the league phase! Happy for struggles? Are they masochists? And how will a sub-par performance in previous matches ease up the pressure in the semi-finals? They are just making excuses for poor performance. Trials and tribulations don’t make a winner, they just turn you into a maniac depressive who needs counseling from South African explorers!

South African teaching Indian? Makes me 'tire'd.

What cricket knowledge could a expeditionist impart to the Indian cricket team? He’ll just confuse them. Get some cricket expert to share knowledge. But no, all Indian experts are busy talking big talk on TV! I’ll have to talk for them here.

“While no dossiers have been circulated among the players, the focus is on the big match temperament and battling pressure successfully. “We are just focusing on the game and there is no pressure on us,” he said. “For the past five to six months, we have endured a lot of pressure and scandals. But we have been doing well for some time.”

There are no dossiers being circulated among the players! I remember when I was in 7^th grade. With exams looming in two weeks I luckily procured a copy of how to ace in exams. My exam preparations were shoddy at that point, so I spent all my time reading up that book on how to pass exams. On the day of exams, there was no one who know better about passing exams than me. That was all I knew. It’s different for Indian players, they haven’t received any such instructions and that doesn’t bode well.

There is no pressure on the Indian team. They think they are above pressure. Well, pressure builds diamonds and if they have no pressure, they can’t be diamonds.

Now look at the team of Pakistan. They are way ahead of the Indian team.

“Pakistan is yet to take a call on Shoaib Akhtar, as Pakistan skipper Shahid Afridi said that the speedster is not 100 per cent fit and a decision on him will be taken on Wednesday.”

A curve ball. A surprise addition of Shoaib will offset India’s plans for their opponents. Should Indians factor him in or leave him out of their calculations? How will it affect player’s morale on having Shoaib’s inclusion hanging like the sword of Damascus over them?

“They (cricketers) should concentrate on their practice and must go to bed early. They should ensure discipline and rise up according to their schedule. I advise them to dedicate themselves to the game for Pakistan.”- Pakistan’s interior minister Rehman Malik

With backing like that which encourages them to toe the line and stick to the regimen, they can’t but do well in face of such personal concern. It is good to see such hands on involvement from the Pakistani minister in the team’s affairs.

“My government will give 25 acres of fertile land to each member of the team as a prize if they beat India,” Sharif said during a news conference.

We know about the carrot and stick theory. The land being offered is the carrot. That’s all we know. The Pakistani cricket team is receiving such positive incentive, a clear indication of one part of the theory. There is no such scheme for Indian team. Reward motivates players and inspires better performance. There is more initiative being taken from Pakistani side than Indian one. There is no such thing done from the Indian side. None. What will drive the Indians to do better? I don’t know.

Even Sunil Gavaskar said: “I doubt whether Pakistan would lose the Mohali game; Pakistanis have a special fascination for Mumbai. They keep sneaking into Mumbai by whatever route they can find and which is available. So I would not be surprised if they do it again and reach Mumbai again.”

The Finals will be in Mumbai. Pakistan team already has the inside track to Mumbai as claimed by Mr.Gavaskar. He knows what he’s talking about, however he may have meant it, the message is clear. Even one of the Indian past greats is anticipating a Pakistan win. He can’t deny it. Nor can history which will see Pakistan beating India.

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Jeet ke baad jo anthem swift (Indian anthem- 52 seconds) hai, woh nahi bajega. Pakistani National Anthem (1 min 20 seconds) Mohali me gunjega.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the publick good of my country, by advancing our fair thought, providing for fans, relieving their expectations, and giving some pleasure to the Pakistan team supporters.