Club over country: Sachin Tendulkar only cricketer to pass polygraph test (Satire)

MUMBAI—

The “club over country” debate took a controversial fresh turn when the ICC and the BCCI released details of polygraph tests administered to a select bunch of international cricketers participating in the IPL.

Heeding complaints from fans and under intense media pressure and scrutiny, the BCCI roped in the country’s premier investigative agency ,the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) , to conduct a series of lie detector tests on certain high-profile players.

The results of the tests were made public to the Indian media in a high-profile conference, televised live on national television.

The players subjected to the lie detection tool include Sri Lanka’s Lasith Malinga, West Indies’ Chris Gayle, Kieron Pollard and Dwayne Bravo, England’s Eoin Morgan and India’s Sachin Tendulkar, Virender Sehwag and Gautam Gambhir.

It is not immediately known if the players willingly volunteered for the tests. Under Indian law, results of such tests are not admissible as evidence in a court of law.

Except for Sachin Tendulkar—the master batsman—, no current player passed the CBI’s scrutiny.

Experts with the CBI reveal that other players’ reactions were off the chart when asked if they preferred “club over country”. The reactions ranged from anger, shock, disgust and “I’ll kill you, you *@#%^#&!”.

“Tendulkar was the only player who exhibited a calm demeanour and composure under pressure of sensors, much like his on-field behaviour.” said Mr. Kala Jhooth, a polygraph specialist with the CBI.

(All facts and “quotes” in this story are made up, but you knew that already, didn’t you?)

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Quote of the day: Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind. – Evan Esar

First published at MakeTimeForSports.