Et tu Brutus? A satire resurfaces in An English Tragedy

LEEDS, ENGLAND – AUGUST 06: Kevin Pietersen of England bats during day five of the 2nd Investec Test match between England and South Africa at Headingley on August 6, 2012 in Leeds, England.

I am of the opinion that there is no English reading audience of mine unfamiliar with Shakespeare’s renowned play ‘Julius Caesar’ and it’s epic statement ‘et tu brutus’…

However, for those ignorant due to reasons whatsoever, here is a brief introduction. Caesar was the undisputed invincible ruler of the Roman Empire whose downfall (rather death) is ironically at the hands of his best friend Brutus who stabs him when the epic statement was made. Brutus inspires the angered crowd with a sensational speech declaring Caesar is personally ambitious at the nation’s stake until the truth is restored with the arrival of Mark Anthony, Caesar’s loyal knight and the romancer of Cleopatra.

Now that I’ve finished with the starter, onto the satirical main course.

Last year, as the English team were crowned Numero Uno atop the Cricketing empire, Caesar was born. In fact, as I now, I’ve come to see the similarities between Andrew Strauss and those illustrations of Caesar in the Asterix comics; a smug expression, haughty facial features and few strands on his scalp.

As the English army regained the Ashes, setting the Australian camp on fire, trolling the remaining conquests, raising the curtains of daylight on a wonderful night of a star-studded Indian army, we were forced to believe this English army was indeed unstoppable, led by Strauss along with his best pal in Pietersen who was the chief knight, wrecking the opposition in most conquests.

LONDON, ENGLAND – AUGUST 20: England captain Andrew Strauss reacts after losing the 3rd Investec Test match between England and South Africa at Lords’

Until, as the fateful time drew near, the invincible Caesar had to be downed.

On the threshold of a conquest against a lion-hearted South African safari that was to determine if the crown was to rest on the bald eagle, Brutus had to be resurrected. No wonder then, that the flamboyance of Kevin Pietersen was required to essay the role in this 21st Century adaptation of this Shakespearean play.

Given the age of modern technology, the crime was only a touch away. He stabbed the mighty emperor in the back, effortlessly with a tweet. The damage was done. The empire fell. The crown was forfeit. The mighty Strauss was choked by a cruel South-African lime (read ‘amla’) joke.

Caesar fell, relinquishing his throne, retiring into obscurity in either the pain of facing a long forgotten defeat, or the fear of facing the spinning guiles of a revenge series featuring the Desi-Dons in their backyard. Now all that remains is for Brutus aka Pieterson to come out, delivering a stirring speech on how he acted, putting the thoughts and hopes of nation before an individual, his skipper’s ambition.

For Shakespeare fans, the story is incomplete without the mention of Anthony and Cleopatra. For now, all we have is an old Geoff Boycott, the only knight loyal to Strauss at the moment.

As for his Cleopatra (if he has one), let’s not bring her in lest it become a ‘Dirty picture!’