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Indian Fans and ICCeption.

946   //    13 Mar 2011, 23:23 IST

Its Sunday and I’ve kept my prying eyes on the computer for almost 6 hours now. I’m either searching for a new song to listen to, Facebook trollers or another Dhoni excuse.

The day after a close loss is horrific to the mind. The brush goes in different directions and you end up having shiny nostrils while your teeth still reek of disappointment.

Yes, that did not make any sense. Another after-effect.

I was cynical before the match. While I knew the Boys in Blue and Sachin had it in them to overcome the South African challenge, the performances of the bowlers and fielders got my hopes way down.

They lived up to the expectations, being the efficient masters that they are. A partnership, a collapse and an over. That’s all it takes for India to lose.

Strangely, that is also what it takes for India to win.

Further still, that is also what it takes for India to tie.

It is this paradoxical mumbo jumbo that hurts the Indian fan’s mind. We didn’t know what a tie was before the match against England. Now, when South Africa were nearing the total, half the population was predicting a tie.

The other half were making Akmal/Chawla jokes.

We love our cricket straight and simple. When we bat, we want a Sachin 100, a Pathan decimation, and a 350+ score.

When we bowl, we want dinner, our chai, a faithful companion, and a wicket.

But with changing times comes change in trends. The ICC want to make things more ‘interesting’. For us, its just plain confusing. Now, its stance, bat, bowl, hit, refer, wait, drink, wait, decision, disappointment, walk, run, hit, six, music, break tv, end.

It began with the theme song. Anyone who tells me what Shankar Mahadevan is trying to say in that song, I’ll know you’re Mahadevan in disguise.

We expected a ‘Wavin’ Flag’. We got ‘Puthi Puthak’. And I don’t think that means anything even in Klingon.

Blast this ICC. They change our childhood and redefine stones to pebbles. All that throwing I did, all that hurt I gave. All for nothing…

They introduce newfangled technology which can’t work beyond two and a half metres and call it ‘modern’.

They make a Terminator Team and call them ‘Irish’.

The bookies aren’t sure whether they want England to qualify or not. Wait, what?

Piyush Chawla.

There are two Indian teams but the other one is called Canada.

Sachin can’t score a 100 against Ireland and Bangla but blasts the England and South African bowling attacks.

The modernisation of cricket may well be spoiling our favorite game. The public access is diminishing and people are scared to have a say now. Apart from the fact that umpires now wear bulletproof jackets. With calls for a shortened length and fewer teams, the Global reach, at least for the fifty over format, is all but over. T20, anyone?

India lost last night. I expected it, but didn’t believe it. I am an Indian fan.

When’s Sachin’s….I mean, India’s next match?

"I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures." - Oscar Wilde
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