Satire: Leaked dossier - Ravi Shastri on India’s critical path to World Cup glory
From: Ravi Shastri
Sent: Tuesday, January 20, 2015 9:19 PM
To: MS Dhoni
Cc: Duncan Fletcher
Subject: How to win this World Cup Thing
Hope you’re keeping well.
Sorry about the thrashing by England today. Duncan and I have put our considerable brains together and have come up with a master plan to help India retain the World Cup. Here is what needs to be done:
- Kidnap Jimmy Anderson.
- Batsmen must hit the ball like a regular bullet, instead of the tracer variety.
- Provoke David Warner into punching someone (preferably Rohit Sharma 264 times).
- Recall our World Cup winning strike bowler, Joginder Sharma.
Put all left-handed people named Mitchell on a no-fly list.
Steal Chris Gayle’s iPod.
- Have the
BCCIICC allow fielders to be placed on the roof when AB de Villiers comes out to bat.
Unleash our secret weapon – play ‘Papa Kehte Hai’ every time Stuart ‘Little’ Binny comes out to bat.
That should be all it takes to bring the Cup back home.
Glory to Team India!
Glory to the BCCI!
[Disclaimer: This piece is a work of fiction, humour, satire or whatever else you may choose to call it. No such dossier exists. Or does it?]