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Satire: Leaked dossier - Ravi Shastri on India’s critical path to World Cup glory

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Humor
16.26K   //    20 Jan 2015, 20:40 IST
Ravi Shastri was appointed India’s team director last year

From: Ravi Shastri

Sent: Tuesday, January 20, 2015 9:19 PM

To: MS Dhoni

Cc: Duncan Fletcher

Subject: How to win this World Cup Thing

Hi MS,

Hope you’re keeping well.

Sorry about the thrashing by England today. Duncan and I have put our considerable brains together and have come up with a master plan to help India retain the World Cup. Here is what needs to be done:

  1. Kidnap Jimmy Anderson.
  2. Batsmen must hit the ball like a regular bullet, instead of the tracer variety.
  3. Provoke David Warner into punching someone (preferably Rohit Sharma 264 times).
  4. Recall our World Cup winning strike bowler, Joginder Sharma.

  5. Put all left-handed people named Mitchell on a no-fly list.


  6. Steal Chris Gayle’s iPod.

  7. Have the BCCI ICC allow fielders to be placed on the roof when AB de Villiers comes out to bat.


  8. Unleash our secret weapon – play ‘Papa Kehte Hai’ every time Stuart ‘Little’ Binny comes out to bat.


That should be all it takes to bring the Cup back home.

Glory to Team India!

Glory to the BCCI!

Love,

Ravi

[Disclaimer: This piece is a work of fiction, humour, satire or whatever else you may choose to call it. No such dossier exists. Or does it?]

This article has been contributed by a member of the SK Featured Bloggers Club. It was originally published on ‘One Tip, One Hand’ blog here.

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