Satire: Scientific theories in cricket - part 2

In my previous article about many scientific theories in cricket, I elaborated on how even cricketers have their own scientific theory which surprisingly, look very similar to many of the laws and theories which we have mugged up studied in Physics in high school. Then I found out more of such laws and theories apart from the ones I’ve already mentioned in my previous article. Here they are:

Any resemblance to any scientific theory is purely coincidental and is not intentionally done to torture students by introducing science in cricket.

1. Gautam Gambhir’s Law of Poking: No one believed such a law existed, until the brilliance of Gautam Gambhir’s batting resulted in its discovery. The law states that, “No matter the length of the delivery bowled, if the ball is pitched outside off-stump, one shall definitely poke at it (not on Facebook) and manage to land the ball exactly in the hands of the slip or gully fielders.” This theory is followed only by Gambhir, but a variant of this theory is followed by his teammate Virender Sehwag.

According to Sehwag, “No matter the length of the delivery bowled, if the ball is pitched outside off-stump, one shall definitely try to smash it out of the square leg boundary, irrespective of the field settings and more importantly, without any footwork”.

2. The Dravid Barrier: The theory, found by The Great Wall of India, states that, “One shall remain like a indestructible barrier in front of the wicket, no matter whether the bowler is Shoiab Akthar or Shoiab Malik.” Currently, only Kallis follows this barrier theory.

3. Kohli’s 3rd Law of reaction: The theory from the young poster boy Virat Kohli states that, “Any action from the opposition team members in the form of words will be immediately met with a reaction involving MCs, BC’s and importantly, finger salutes.” Sreesanth theorised the law earlier, which was later proved by Virat Kohli.

4. Bradman’s Law of Averages: Another law from the God himself, states that “Batsman shall crush their opponent’s bowling team’s morale with unbearable batting, and thus increase one’ s average beyond anyone’s reach.” Among current cricketers, Sangakkara and Hashim Amla follow this law in Test cricket, along with MS Dhoni in ODIs.

5. Kamran Akmal’s Buttterfinger Law: This one from the “Legen(wait for it)dary” keeper from Pakistan. It states that “The number of catches one shall drop is directly proportional to the number of times the ball comes into one’s hands i.e. the catch shall be dropped every single time the ball comes into the fielder’s hands.” The founder himself has been a strict follower of this theory and has also found support in Munaf Patel who puts this theory to test quite regularly.

Disclaimer – This work is purely fictional and is not meant to hurt anyone.