Satire: Top IPL one-line interviews

Disclaimer: The questions and answers presented below are a work of fiction and written for humour purposes only. They are meant to be in jest and not intended to offend any celebrity or player.

Who’s your biggest threat during the IPL?

Shah Rukh Khan: That security guard at the Wankhede.

What do you look forward to during the IPL?

Rahul Sharma and Wayne Parnell: Of course, all the birthday parties that happen during the tournament.

Your favourite IPL moment.

Nita Ambani: Can’t call this an IPL moment but.. When Bhajji did what nobody could. Lift… Not me, the Champions League.

Are players emotionally involved with the game during the IPL?

Sreesanth: If you’re slapped on the face like Bhajji did to me, even you will get emotional.

What’s the best thing about the IPL?

Danny Morrison: LSRK’s commentary… I’m kidding… Haha… The cheerleaders, of course man. Double Ds.. I mean Delhi Daredevils.

How’s the IPL different from International cricket?

Virat Kohli: In International cricket, you can easily use MC BC. The opposition players don’t understand. You can’t do it in the IPL.

How do you stop corruption in the IPL?

BCCI: Pretty easy. We just stop talking about it.

Now that you are the mentor, what changes should we expect from the side?

Ganguly: I’ve made it mandatory for the boys to remove the shirt and celebrate after taking every wicket. They will also make an effort to remain fit that way.

Do you think this IPL is your final chance to make a comeback to the Indian side?

Rohit Sharma: No. I have full faith in the selectors.

What did you tell the boys in the team meeting?

Preity Zinta: Tight hug only for top performers.

Do you see your team in the top 4 this year?

Dale Steyn: Yawnnnn!

What measures have been taken to avoid spot-fixing?

N Srinivasan: We have a spider-cam that can shoot video of any spot in the ground. No chance of spot fixing!!

How do you plan to control your aggression?

Praveen Kumar: By banging my head against the chest of whoever provoked me.

Who do you think will win the IPL this year?

Ravi Shastri: ‘Cricket’ will be the real winner.

You’ve always surprised everyone. Is there something new that we would get to see this IPL?

Ravindra Jadeja: I’ll be wearing a half-orange half-purple Cap. Yes, you guessed it right – highest run getter and highest wicket taker.

Disclaimer: The questions and answers presented above are a work of fiction and written for humour purposes only. They are meant to be in jest and not intended to offend any celebrity or player.