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Satire: Warner vs De Kock in a ‘Hell In A Cell’ match

yash pawaskar
TOP CONTRIBUTOR
Humor
601   //    11 Mar 2018, 04:44 IST

David Warner Portrait Session
David Warner

Fake Media News Report: The scintillating personal battle between Australia’s David Warner and South Africa’s Quinton de Kock has taken a new turn. Sources have confirmed that these two players are going to settle their issues in a 'Hell In Cell' wrestling match.

After going through the formal process of complaining, and appealing to the authorities regarding their infamous sledging incident, both players do not seem satisfied with the hearing.

After consulting with their respective boards and the team management, the players have decided to end the issue once and for all by opting for a 'Hell In A Cell' match to be held at the Wanderers Stadium in Johannesburg.

Speaking about the preparations for the spectacle, a ground official said, ‘Everyone is working very hard to prepare the stadium for the Warner Vs De Kock wrestling event.

The match is rightly going to take place in the ‘Bull Ring’, it couldn’t get any better, could it? In order to ensure that it is a fair encounter and rain doesn’t play spoil sport, we are going to cover the top of the cage.

Considering South Africa’s dubious record with the Duckworth Lewis method, we don’t want to take any chances.’

Wrestling and cricket fans are drawing parallels between WWE Superstar John Cena and Warner. Memes are being created using photoshopped images of Warner’s face on Cena’s body. On the other hand, De Kock is being labelled as the underdog.

Fans have created a video of his best cricketing knocks and added the Rocky Balboa soundtrack to it. Their eyes are similar, said the fan who made the video titled, The Underdog’s Eyes!

The event has already captured the imagination of school-going kids in both South Africa and Australia as they are emulating their idols. Various incidents have been reported in schools where kids are abusing each other while taking the stairs to their classrooms.

The organizers are planning a four-hour event around the match. A member of the organizing committee said, ‘We want this battle to become huge. We are approaching it as a Twenty20 game. It is going to be festive, an international singer is going to be roped in.

Certain Bollywood celebrities are also being discussed for a bit of song and dance before the main event. This event has great potential. If this event is a hit, who knows, we may have a Buried Alive match, A Money In The Bank Game and even a Royal Rumble in the future!

Expressing sadness regarding the entire event as well as the incident that caused it, a senior cricket fan said, ‘It is the saddest day in the history of cricket. A lot of things have been said and done as a part of sledging.

It has been brushed of as aggression. No one needed this type of aggression in the good old days. A glare from a fast bowler was enough to scare the batsman.

A free-flowing cover drive was a statement in itself. What has happened to cricket nowadays? Professional cricketers are abusing each other’s family members, getting involved in bar brawls, the game is losing its charm.

But I am hopeful that common sense will prevail and cricket will once come become a gentleman’s game.’

Author’s Take

This article is a satirical take written to put the spotlight on the adverse effects of sledging. It is not meant to hurt anyone’s feelings and is written using humor as a vehicle to drive the thought of maintaining cricket’s sanctity on and off the field. 


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yash pawaskar
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