Satire: Yuvraj-Hazel wedding as it happened on November 30

So Yuvraj Singh got married to Hazel Keech in a Sikh-traditional wedding yesterday. Our Sportskeeda correspondent was present at the venue, providing real-time updates of the wedding.

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11 am: The guests have just started to arrive at the venue. The complete Indian cricket team is present there, all dressed in cool and comfortable casuals. Virat Kohli, as usual, is dressed in a traditional Kurta and looks dapper. He is continuously spotted saying ‘Pehno apni pechchan, Pehno apni pechchan’ to every other person he is meeting. The manager of the Indian cricket team is trying to gesture to him that this isn’t an ad shoot for the clothing range brand that he endorses. Kohli doesn’t seem to listen.

11:15 am: We just spotted an unattended kid, folks! Yes! The little kid is walking right besides the Indian team, and is apparently, trying to get closer to Virat Kohli. Who could that be? We are trying to find his identity and will reveal it to you as soon as possible. Stay tuned.

11:30 am: That wasn’t an unattended kid, folks. That was India’s wicket-keeper Parthiv Patel. Our bad!

11:45 am: MS Dhoni just arrived in his Hummer, accompanied by his wife and daughter. As soon as he came out of his car, a bearded and aged man jumped out of nowhere, and tried to throw black ink on Dhoni.

11:50 am: That was Yograj Singh, the father of the Groom.

12:30 pm: The rituals inside the Gurudwara has begun. Yuvraj Singh is looking extremely handsome in his Manish Malhotra-stiched Sherwani, while Hazel Keech is stunning in her Wedding Lehenga.

12:45 pm: Everyone is sitting peacefully while the rituals are going on. Stuart Binny, who apparently had to convince the security outside that he is a national cricketer, is spotted trying to click selfies with the Indian players.

12:50 pm: We are sitting close to the area where the food will be served. There’s still some time for the buffet section to open, but Ishant Sharma has already visited the area thrice, asking to start the service soon.

1:30 pm: The buffet area has opened now. We can spot Kohli at the Kofta counter. He looks a tad bit displeased with the quality of the Kofta, and is saying to the person standing behind the counter to not force him to do a Ben Stokes on him.

2 pm: Cheteshwar Pujara is sitting in a corner, trying to read the Guru Granth Sahib, which by the way, is written in Punjabi. Ravichandran Ashwin is talking to Murali Vijay, and we can see him calculating the exact time it will take Yuvraj and Hazel to complete the Laava Pheere (a ritual where the couple circle the Guru Granth Sahib), if they walk at 5 meters per second.

2:15 pm: England team just arrived at the venue. Stuart Broad seems to be the happiest of all the English players. When we asked him whether he was happy that Yuvraj Singh was getting married, he said that he was happy because a Britisher will finally be able to dominate Yuvraj Singh, even if it’s at home (and gestured towards Hazel).

2:30 pm: Virat just said that he will announce the playing eleven for the Mumbai Test, right there and then. As soon as he made the annoucement, we could see Ishant Sharma and Amit Mishra bring him two plates of Gulab Jamun and scoops of vanilla ice-cream with Chocolate sauce, juggling it in both their hands.

2:45 pm: Virat was joking, folks.

3 pm: Jayant Yadav, who given his reliable nature, has been assigned the task to prevent the girl’s family from hiding Yuvraj’s footwear. He has done a good job till now, keeping a close eye on Yuvraj’s Juti, and giving a good account of his all-round abilities.

3:30 pm: We just spotted S Sreesanth, folk! Infact, Sreesanth was the guy who was standing behind the Kofta counter, serving the hard Koftas to India’s Test skipper. Our sources tell us that Sreesanth will also be doubling up as an entertainer later on in the evening, by putting on the Chota Bheem costume.

4 pm: Just as the function was about to get over, Aakansha Sharma, who had put allegations of Yuvraj’s family on a reality show, barged inside the venue with a couple of cameramen alongside her.

4:30 pm: Aakansha Sharma is claiming that Yuvraj’s family forced her to watch Jagga Daku, a film that starred Yograj Singh in the lead role.

4:40 pm: Everbody has left the venue and is headed for drinks, but Aakansha Sharma is still there, now trying to collect the left-over Kofta. She wants evidence against Yuvraj Singh’s family for wasting a vital national resource like Koftas.

5 pm: So that’s all from our side, folks. Do visit us when we cover Yuvraj’s wedding reception in Goa on December 2.

Disclaimer: This is just for fun. This article is only a figment of the writer’s imagination, and is not true.

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