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Three points everyone - A few suggestions for the gang of four

Humor 12 Mar 2013, 17:06 IST

Australia v South Africa - Second Test: Day 3

Yesterday morning, I was wondering how slowly time passes by while one waits for the next cricket match featuring the Indian team. Then, without warning, the cricket universe erupted in furore over the axing of four Australian cricketers from the Mohali game. Reason? The four players had failed to turn over an assignment to the coach within the imposed deadline. Their task? Give at least three pointers about what the team had learnt from their drubbing in the first two Tests and how they could improve over the remainder of the series. Predictably, Twitter and Facebook had a field day mercilessly mocking Mickey Arthur and the Aussie team. It seemed like an over-reaction from a frazzled team management in the middle of an important series, gone terribly wrong.

A day later, mockery has given way to a more pragmatic understanding of the situation. The punishment may have been harsh, but it does seem like a reasonable request from the coach and captain to provide one’s input on how things can change for the better. After all, how hard is it to come up with a minimum of three pointers on how to improve the Australian performance? Especially since they had five days to come up with it! If the four players had the foresight to outsource their assignment to social media, they would have been able to finish their work with ease.  Here are some of my suggestions:

Ask for bouncy pitches
Get laughed at
Tell the opposition we’ll see them in Australia

Bowl in the right areas
Execute our skills
Listen less to Ravi Shastri‘s commentary

Bat better
Bowl better
Field better

Ask Pujara what he has for breakfast
Ask the Indian spinners for tips on how to play them
Ask Jadeja for fielding tips


Get a better coach
Haha..I was kidding. I meant “bus”
Pack my bags

Less presentations
More net practice
Pack my bags

Bat like Clarke
Bowl like Pattinson
Field like Warner

Don’t bat like Hughes
Don’t bowl like Maxwell
Don’t field like Cowan

Import batsmen from South Africa
Import spinners from Pakistan
Import coach from Zimbabwe
(bonus) Pack my bags.

Australia v West Indies - ODI Game 5

“YES! Avoided a potential thrashing at the hands of the Indian batsmen!”

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