Plumbers Don't Wear Ties Definitive Edition review: It's important to preserve bad games, too

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties Definitive Edition is the last thing I expected to see hit my desk this week. While Limited Run Games isn’t new to preserving bad video games (See their re-release of Night Trap), this title is on a completely different level. Correctly labeled as one of the worst games of all time, I first heard about it the way many people did - the Angry Video Game Nerd. When I saw Limited Run Games re-released the game with a wealth of extra content, I had to see for myself.

It’s still a slideshow instead of a Full Motion Video dating game. Plumbers Don't Wear Ties is still a remarkably bad game. Even though I enjoyed learning more about how the game was created and the people behind it, it’s still the same dumpster fire it was on its 1994 3DO release.

What is Plumbers Don't Wear Ties Definitive Edition?

This game's dialogue won't win any awards, that's for sure (Image via Limited Run Games)

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties Definitive Edition is a Limited Run Games re-release featuring the original game in its original visual style, with a slight upscaling. It also features a treasure trove of interviews based on the game itself - though they’re hidden behind a mini-game instead of simply having access to them immediately.

This isn’t the first “bad” game to be remastered and re-released as a sort of documentary - Karateka immediately jumps to mind. However, as many have said before me, Plumbers Don't Wear Ties isn’t even really a video game. It could be classified as a visual novel, perhaps, though it was advertised as being FMV (Full Motion Video).

This is, essentially, a moderately interactive documentary on the creation and legacy of one of the worst games to ever exist. However, to get to the documentary content, you still have to play the game. This isn't a game that became popular after its initial failure; it's still considered one of the worst titles ever published.

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties is still the worst game of all time

This screenshot was not edited at all - this is really how it looks in-game (Image via Limited Run Games)

In brief, Plumbers Don't Wear Ties tells the story of two ordinary people: John and Jane. They stumble into each other at a time in their lives when both of their parents want them to find a romantic partner. It has language and actions that have aged incredibly poorly, and instead of being a game, it’s more like an interactive DVD.

After listening to the characters or narrators talk, you choose one of two or three choices and move on with the story. It’s visually appalling and annoying to listen to, and it barely takes itself seriously. The original developers left outtakes into the game, and you can complete it in just over an hour and a half if you skip the intro.

There are a few endings to the game, though calling them endings is quite generous. Originally launched on the Windows and 3DO platforms in 1993 - 1994, it’s objectively one of the worst things to ever be released on a video game platform. Even on the 3DO, a platform monument to mediocrity, Plumbers Don't Wear Ties still lets fans down.

The gameplay is just as weak as the dialogue (Image via Limited Run Games)

Even though I only spent a couple of hours playing the game, it was the most miserable experience I’ve had in years. For your first playthrough, you cannot skip cutscenes or dialogue. You must endure it all, even if you’ve watched a playthrough elsewhere, like I have.

What additional content is available in Plumbers Don't Wear Ties Definitive Edition?

Even James Rolfe got in on the documentary, as he's responsible, in part, for bringing the game back into the mainstream consciousness (Image via Limited Run Games)

Once you beat the game, you unlock points that can be used in a Doom/Wolfenstein-style maze. You collect plungers to shoot at the evil boss and find the various interviews and extra content this way. While I think this is a neat idea, I also found it incredibly frustrating to have to navigate a maze just to watch the content that I wanted in the first place.

It shouldn’t take a long time to navigate the maze, but once you do, you can peek at a series of unused/deleted screen images and watch a lengthy video gallery. There are 23 videos, with interviews of video game histories, including James Rolfe (Angry Video Game Nerd), as well as Jane herself - Jeanne Basone.

She’s very open and honest about Plumbers Don't Wear Ties, and she also talked about her life as a pro wrestler on GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling), Hollywood, and much more. This content is fascinating and enjoyable to watch - I just wish I didn’t have to play the game to unlock it. It was incredibly frustrating to dig for the gold - the interviews and extra content - that’s for sure.

In Conclusion

No amount of explanation can get you ready to view some of these scenes (Image via Limited Run Games)

There are no kind or good things to say about Plumbers Don't Wear Ties. It’s a wretched game, and whatever it tried to do, it failed dismally. However, it is important to remember and preserve these kinds of bad video games. It is a culturally and historically significant video game, even an abject failure.

Regardless, I've given Plumbers Don't Wear Ties Definitive Edition a 7.5 because it does exactly what it sets out to do as a documentary. It offers context, behind-the-scenes information, and worthwhile talking points about the game itself. Sure, the game is bad - everyone knows that. But this is more of a documentary. Once you've played the game once, the rest of your time will be spent watching videos from video game historians, the developers of this product, and the lead actress, Jeanne Basonne.

I appreciate Limited Run Games’s attempt to preserve this game, but it’s not at the same level as other recent preservation attempts. Nonetheless, It’s clear that they cared about this a great deal, and a solid amount of effort was put in - likely more than was put into the actual video game itself.

The score below reflects Limited Run Games’ entire production of Plumbers Don't Wear Ties Definitive Edition - not just the base game itself. Otherwise, the number would be much, much lower.

If you're a fan of bad games or video game documentaries, this is definitely for you. No amount of extra content will make the game fun, but it is a worthwhile experience just to learn more about this particularly bad game.