10 excuses Jack Wilshere’s PR team could use to explain him being caught smoking

So Jack Wilshere has been pictured smoking a cigarette and the boss is not impressed. Here are 10 excuses his PR team could have used to explain it away.

1. “Jack had unbearably bad chapped lips at the time, but his friend L’athaniel had used the last of the Carmex. As L’athaniel was a smoker, some of the Carmex had been transferred to the end of the cigarette, and Jack was attempting to soothe his pain by rubbing his lips on the butt.”
2. “Photoshop, innit.”
3. “Jack had been told, erroneously, that the cigarette was a magical flute of pure truth. He was preparing to play Greensleeves when the photo was being taken.”
4. “Jack was worried for his smoker friend’s health and, with only limited formal medical training, believed that by blowing (as opposed to sucking) he would be able to reverse the negative effects of the cigarette and save his dear mates life.”
5. “Jack suffers from an extremely rare condition called ‘nicotineccesarium’ which affects only 1 person out of 7 billion and means that he needs to smoke to survive. Keeping this hidden has put him under tremendous stress and we’re all just glad that it’s out in the open now so that he can put this behind him and get on with his life.”
6. “The club had a no no cigarette policy and Jack’s a good kid who knows the merit in obeying the rules.”
7. “That wasn’t Jack Wilshere, it was his evil French twin Jacques Wilshére, and we all know how those moody Frogs like to smoke, don’t we lads? Eh?”
8. “Jack was not smoking the cigarette but examining it. He’d taken shitloads of LSD and he thoughts the wavy lines on the design were Terry Wogan’s mouth, calling to him.”
9. “No hablo ingles, señor.”
10. “Yeah…Jack quite enjoys smoking from time to time. Sorry.”