Lille right back Mathieu Debuchy – a suitable case for treatment

Mathieu Debuchy is an exciting 26 year old French right back who has garnered quite a bit of attention recently and has been the subject of many a transfer rumour. Naturally, he has decided to talk to L’Equipe all about it. He has been with Lille since he was eight, so obviously owes them a lot of gratitude for the way they have nurtured his talent.

Untold Media normally deals with English newspapers, but we have no problem with widening our approach. So let’s examine a transcript of the interview to get a better insight into the mind of the modern day footballer.

(*Disclaimer: All italicized words are my interpretations of his thoughts.)

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“Despite my commitment to Lille – the club is in my heart – I am 100% committed to leaving.”

I am so committed to Lille that I had to talk to someone about how I am definitely not interested in being committed to them.

“I want to leave LOSC,”

In case I didn’t make myself clear the first time. TOTAL commitment.”

“The coach wants to keep me but I will not change my opinion.”

Stupid manager. He’s not the boss of… er… Well, he can’t control me!

“The discussions are not going very well. For now I am stuck in Lille.”

Did I mention how awesome Lille is?

“LOSC want to find my replacement before I am released. Ten, 15 players have been suggested to them but still nothing happens.”

Granted, I haven’t heard of any of them… but still, who do they think they are to make me wait?

“There must be a little goodwill. It disappoints me and bothers me.”

It is really unfair of a club to upset its stars.

“Newcastle are one of my priorities. Inter are interested too.”

In case you weren’t aware of my awesomeness.

“Newcastle have already offered 5 million, but I don’t know how much Lille want.”

Yes. I mean, they offered to pay for my flight and even threw in a couple of centre stall seats to ‘Wicked’. What else do they want?”

“Training is due to start on Tuesday but for me, I will not be there.”

There. That should help with Lille’s negotiations. Now that they know I will definitely leave, my suitors are bound to up their bids further. They can thank me later. After all, the club is in my heart.

Mathieu Debuchy: 218 games for Lille, 15 goals. 9 games for France, one goal.

Next week: Andy Carroll tells us how his heart is in Liverpool but if Newcastle come calling then he proves that like Doctor Who he has two hearts and like a sub-atomic particle he can be in two places at once. Or not. As the case may be.