Premier League 2018-19: Manchester United look like a bad advert for a Chevrolet right now

Question: Has any football side in history ever accurately resembled the brand of their title shirt sponsor?

That's exactly what Manchester United are doing right now. They're a Chevrolet. And that is a very bad thing indeed.

During their 3-1 defeat to Liverpool, which widened the chasm between the clubs to a scarcely believable 19 points by mid-December, United were slow, ponderous and utterly lacking in character. But they were big, so there's that.

I had the displeasure of driving a Chevy Tahoe for a day in the States this summer. It was seven hours of interminable suffering; I was panicking almost the entire time, fearful of the possibility that I was going to run into something - because the road just wasn't wide enough for the cumbersome beast of which I was at the wheel.

I was reminded of that experience whilst watching Jose Mourinho's team today, although due to my penchant for a bit of schaudenfraude, this was a far more enjoyable ride.

United don't even look like a Mourinho team. Despite his increasingly distasteful pitch side and press room antics, Mourinho has always been a master at building sides who are difficult to beat. You could never level the charge that his teams were soft, even if they were rarely enterprising.

But when a Mourinho side has conceded 29 goals in 17 games, you know something has gone horribly wrong. And it's hard to lay the blame anywhere other than at the manager's door.

You know when you appoint him that you're not going to be playing the most attractive football. But you would expect as a minimum the kind of defensive resilience that now courses through Jurgen Klopp's vibrant side.

When you watch Liverpool and Manchester City or even Chelsea, Spurs and Arsenal to a lesser extent, there is a clear philosophy in place. Mourinho seems to have misplaced his, because it's abundantly clear he has no clue how to fix this United side or even how he wants it to play.

With the abundance of attacking riches at his disposal, they could and perhaps should be one of the most attractive sides in the league to watch.

Sure, their defence is rubbish, so just send them out to try and score five every week. At the very least, it would be fun.

Mourinho mocked Pep Guardiola spending close to £130m on full backs the previous summer. How foolish that mockery looks now, as he fumbles about with Ashley Young the most convincing of his current options in a position ever more crucial in the modern game. See, Andy Robertson for Liverpool.

For all his grumblings about transfers, Mourinho has already spent an inordinate amount of money at the club on players who are underperforming, left out of the team and quite frankly, just don't fit.

Romelu Lukaku and Paul Pogba shone at this summer's World Cup for their countries where they were unshackled by their managers. They played in systems which suited them, and were both unrecognisable from their current selves.

Yes, some of that is on them, but a manager's job is to get the best out of his players. And Mourinho clearly is not doing that.

It is unthinkable at this juncture that Mourinho will outlast them both at United. He might not last past Christmas and quite frankly, that might be the best gift of all for Manchester United supporters this holiday season.

Oh they must long for the glory days where United were, for want of a better word, Sharp.