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Sport Is Fun, Sport Is Boring

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710   //    06 Jul 2011, 22:46 IST

There are various reasons why I’m writing this.

There’s a deafening lull in the sporting world now. The apocalypse has struck and the few survivors are trying to harvest each other’s organs to pass through their worthless existence on a barren land once ruled by kings and queens.

Then again, the definition of ‘sporting world’ spells out ‘football’ and ‘cricket’ in my over sized dictionary. More specifically, ‘English Premier League’ and ‘Team India’. For the sake of adding another line and the word ‘specificity’ because it sounds cool in my mouth, ‘Manchester United‘ and ‘Sachin Tendulkar‘.

Arrey Dhoni, I made the same face!

The English Premier League won’t start for another month and all I can do is play football with my wall now. It’s pretty entertaining to be honest, but society gives you names and threatens to send you to an asylum for all your troubles.

Sir Alex and those brilliant boys are touring Asia and the US whilst trying to seduce the likes of Modric, Nasri and Sanchez to the path of eternal glory and awesome jerseys. The only things that have kept my eyes open have been the De Gea signing and Ryan Giggs and his elicit affairs.

I love Ryan Giggs. I still do.  If you try to argue with me about his abilities, I won’t reply. I’ll just chop you into little pieces and feed you to your neighbours. What he has done is terrible and wrong on all moralistic and ethical levels, but they’re contemplating giving him a seven year jail term? This doesn’t help his rally for knighthood now, does it? Nevertheless, I intend on hanging up his poster on my bedroom wall in the near future.

De Gea’s signing is exciting. Sir Alex usually purchases a vastly experienced goalie with years and years of playing time, but David De Gea isn’t even allowed to consume alcohol in India. Ferguson described him as an exciting prospect and Edwin Van Der Sar has also spoken about his faith in the young man’s abilities. Only time will tell…

But there’s a long, long way until I get to watch him play. Liking two sports is like a dual citizenship. If you’re bored of one country, go mess around in the other. I love cricket as much as football. As soon as Manchester United got utterly decimated at the ruthless hands of Barcelona, I shifted my attention to cricket.

The IPL was a terrible mess and plain pathetic. Even my clever use of alliteration couldn’t have saved the never ending nonsense.

The series in West Indies is also turning out to be the ultimate snore-fest. A depressingly one-sided affair and it looks more as if the West Indies are trying not to lose wickets rather than going for the kill. I can hear Sir Viv Richards groan when he sees Sarwan majestically forward defend a Harbhajan flighter. Oh wait, that’s me groaning.

I await the India-England series. I love watching matches in England. The grass is so green and makes me want to lie down and die there. I can imagine spectators tapping their knuckles after every boundary rather than sway like epileptic orangutans being fed high doses of sugar and Red Bull mixed and given in a thermocol cup.

But that’s how I like it.

I have resorted to cheap tricks such as ‘studying’ and ‘sleeping’ to keep my mind ‘busy’, as people like to call it. That is all for now. I must study before sleeping so as to keep very busy.

"I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures." - Oscar Wilde
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