The funniest, most unfortunate and weirdest names in football

The unfortunately named Rod Fanni

Bastard, Arce, Kuntz, Scheidt, Fuchs – no, this isn’t a manager’s half-time tirade, but a list of footballers with expletives in their names.

But wait, there’s more:

The Not-so-bright-footballers names

Harry Daft

Ruud Boffin

The Unnecessarily long names

Two-Boys Gladstone Gamede

Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink (royalty, perhaps?)

The Watery names

Creedence Clearwater Couto

Robert Acquafresca (literally translates to fresh water!)

The Named-after-the-unmentionables names

David Seaman

David Goodwillie

Paul Dickov

Johan de Cock

Brian Pinas

Stefan Kuntz

Rod Fanni

The Butt-of-all-jokes names

Nicky Butt (duh!)

Chiqui Arce

Danny Shittu

Ars Bandeet

Bernt Haas

Rafael Scheidt

The What-were-their-parents-thinking names

Have-a-Look Dube

Bongo Christ

Joseph Desire-Job

Johnny Moustache

Jean-Jacques Misse-Misse

The Keep-away-from-these guys names

Milan Fukal

Norman Conquest

Danger Fourpence

Segar Bastard

Can you even being to imagine the headlines that are possible?

Uwe Fuchs off to Brazil

Kuntz and Pinas were all over the park

Bernt Haas saves his team’s blushes!

Moustache and de Cock tackle Fanni

Mark De Man as Stoke beat Liverpool

Jean-Jacques Misse-Misse fires blanks in front of goal (With a name like that, was it ever in doubt?)

Wolfsgang Wolf to manage Wolfsburg (This actually happened!)

Daft and Boffin team up to score an own goal (well, that was going to happen sometime)