The most annoying FIFA commentary phrases

Let’s get one thing out of the way. The commentary in the FIFA game franchise has improved by leaps and bounds, and these days the commentary is perfectly in sync with the game. It adds that missing dimension to the game, making it feel more and more real with each passing version.

But then there are still some phrases that annoy the hell out of you. For example:

“If you don’t hit the target, you’re never gonna score” – Andy Gray

Stating the obvious, but it is not necessarily true all the time. You can always score off deflections even if the ball is heading off target.

“And it’s Tevez with his bulldog-like approach.”

Why only bulldog? You could have used so many other animals to explain the fact that Tevez is an aggressive, always-on-the-move player. Plus most bulldogs are too heavy to do anything about anything really.

*Dirk Kuyt receives the ball* “And here’s Keetch.” – Clive Tyldesley

Clive Tyldesley is the only person who thinks Kuyt is pronounced “Keetch”. It just isn’t, Mr Tyldesley.

AND IT’S IN!!! OHH CAN YOU HEAR THE CROWD?! I CAN BARELY HEAR MYSELF UP HERE!

Then stop screaming.

“Andy, I don’t think I’ve ever asked you this on air, but wouldn’t you like a go with these modern day footballs?” – Martin Tyler

Yes Mr. Tyler, you have asked him before. At least 3 times every game.

At the start of every cup game, you are forced to hear this:

“It’s a David and Goliath encounter, and we could see a shock upset here today” – Martin Tyler

“My history’s not very good, but did David win?” – Andy Gray

Yes, Mr. Gray. David did win. Please brush up on your history!

“Well, he certainly didn’t hold back on that tackle, but I think he’s hurt himself.”

NO HE DIDN’T! HE IS OK! STOP SPREADING LIES!

Martin Tyler: “What did you make of the teams first half display, Andy?”

Gray: “Two words. Can’t defend, Martin.”

Martin Tyler: “That’s three words.”

Gray: “Oh Martin, yeah alright”

Stop it you two. It was never funny in the first place.

“It’s a pass, and a pass, and another pass.”

You will kill yourself if you are playing as Barcelona.

*A header on target*

“Well that was just like Alan Smith at his prime except it’s not in the back of the net..”

So then it’s not like Alan Smith in his prime, right?

Martin: “It’s Geoff Shreeves. Geoff.”

Geoff: “He seems to have sprained an ankle. He’s just testing it out now.”

Martin: “Cheers Geoff!”

Yes, it’s just a small ankle problem. As in his ankle is not where it’s supposed to be. No big deal, really.

Cristiano Ronaldo, always danger when this man is on the ball!

Thanks. For. That.

“If this keeper were a bank he’d be shut down, the savings he’s offering are terrible” – Andy Gray

Okay, this one’s actually pretty solid. A rare moment of brilliance by Mr Gray.

“Two goal leads are twice as good as one goal leads” - Clive Tyldesley

Fascinating insight.

“Well you can’t win the lottery if you don’t have a ticket” – Andy Gray

Another gem from Andy Gray’s never ending supply of stating the freaking obvious!

“The wind is blowing and the snow is snowing” – Martin Tyler

Best. Line. Ever. NOT!

“Listen, if you’re a defender, DO BETTER!” – Andy Gray

You will need to speak up, Mr. Gray. They can’t hear you.

We will end it with this beauty - Well, football is an amazing game, and this has been an amazing game of football.

Think we missed out on an awful piece of commentary? Let us know via the comments!