The Return of the King - Thierry Henry [HUMOR]

Match day, Arsenal locker room, Emirates Stadium

The Gunners are getting ready for the game against Leeds in the FA Cup.

RvP is hobbling around with only one shoe on his foot, “Where’s my other boot?” Ramsey points over his shoulder, “Over here, skip!”

RvP looks to find Szczesny polishing his left boot. “Give me that, Wojciech!”

Szczesny is crestfallen, “Come on, captain. We’ll need all the luck we can get. You’re the only striker we have now with Gervinho and Chamakh *cough* gone.”

Walcott yells from the other end of the room, “I heard that!” Oxlade-Chamberlain looks up from his phone, “So?” and gets back to texting Carl Jenkinson.

At that moment, Wenger walks in for his pre-match talk.

“Boys, I have a little bit of a surprise for you. We’ve signed a player on loan for two months. Many of you know him quite well. He’s won a double with this club…”

Djourou interrupts, “Pat Rice?” he asks wide eyed. “Boss, I can still play Right Back. Just give me a chance!”

“No Johan, not Pat Rice. Yes, he is still fantastic quality, but he might drop a little bit physically in the second half.” Ramsey murmurs, “So what else is new?”

Wenger ignores the comment, “Wait a minute! Johan, you are suspended. What are you doing here?”

Djourou shrugs as he stuffs a bag of ice between his legs, “The medical center was out of ice. So…”

Wenger shook his head, “We spent millions on that place and they couldn’t get a refrigerator?”

“No, since today’s a match day, everyone’s here. They shut down the power to the building to save up on the utility bills. No power, no ice.”

Wenger raises an eyebrow, “Anyway, I came to tell you that we’ve signed none other than Thierry Henry!”

Henry walks in to the locker room to the surprise of many in the room. He is accompanied by Vermaelen.

Henry smiles, “Surprise!”

RvP curses silently. Looks like I’ll have to rethink getting past that 226 goals mark.

Walcott gives Wenger an apprehensive look, “Boss, you sure about this? I mean, I can’t give up my number!”

“No Theo, he will wear the number 12. And he is here only for 2 months. He will help us all and guide our team in that period.”

“Phew! That’s cool. So Thierry will help me with my runs and stuff?”

“In your case, Theo, he will teach you how to play football.”

Song puts his hand up, “Boss, why is Vermaelen with him? Shouldn’t he be resting? We have Utd coming up soon.”

“Since we couldn’t afford the insurance cover, the Verminator will be his bodyguard.”

Arshavin walks in putting on his shirt and notices Henry. He put two and two together and asked with genuine concern, “Er, boss? Does this mean you’re selling me in this transfer window?”

“No, Andrei. You are on the Arsenal official calendar, for the month of April. It’s a life sized poster too. Selling you now would bring down sales and thereby reduce our profits.”

“Ok, so those who are in the calendar are staying?”

RvP suddenly realizes why he got December. Squillaci thinks aloud, “Why wasn’t I told about this calendar shoot?”

Arshavin continues, “So are you selling me this summer then?”

“I don’t want to comment on speculation. But it is the club’s philosophy to sell players when they’ve reached the zenith…”

“St.Petersburg?”

Wenger ignores the question, “Ok, boys. We have a tough game today. Leeds is not an easy team to beat. Their defense is solid…”

“Pffft! Right…” Henry rolls his eyes.

“We will start with the same lineup as we did against Fulham, with the exception of Djourou of course. Young Nico will get to play today?”

Yennaris looks up, mouth hanging open. He races to Henry to shake his hand yelling at the same time, “Sir, it is a dream and absolute pleasure to be playing with you today!”

Vermaelen intervenes with a shoulder barge that sends Nico sprawling across the room. He trips over a bench and twists his knee.

“Oh for fu… Vermaelen! Relax. *sigh* Yossi, you’re our make shift RB for today.”

Henry taps Wenger’s shoulder, “Boss, what about me?”

“You’re not completely fit, Thierry. I’ll bring you on after sixty minutes. That will also ensure the crowd stays to watch the entire match.”

“I may not have played much lately, but I can still last the full ninety!”

“Yes, Thierry. I know. But you need to lose a little bit of weight before you can start games.”

“I may look more than thirty, but I’ve still got it!”

Squillaci nudges Henry, “Pssst. Lose the beard! Look around, do you see anyone else here with a beard? The clean shaven look makes you look younger. And fitter!”

“You serious?”

“Hey, I’m still here, aren’t I?”

Henry nods in understanding. Outside, the Emirates crowd is aware that Henry will play today. The announcer can be heard in the locker room as the squad is announced. “Number 12, the one and only King, Thierryyyy Henryyyy!”

Crowd starts chanting, “Deshi basara! Deshi basara!”

“What does that mean?”

Wenger looks at Henry and smiles, “Rise!”

RvP frowns, “Hey, isn’t that from the new Batman movie?”

“Yes, Robin. Nolan saw the ‘Who needs Batman when you have Robin’ banners in the stadium and was very worried about how the movie would fare in London. So we signed a £10M deal to publicize ‘The Dark Knight Rises’. It was good business.”

Pat Rice walks in holding a paper, “Arsene, the loan deal hit a snag. It runs only till the 16th of February after which he’d have to go back across the pond. It will be tough to convince the New York Red Bulls to extend it to the 26th so Henry can play the Spuds.”

Henry looks at Wenger with concern, “Boss?”

Wenger gives a cold stare, “When Tottenham is ashes; you have my permission to fly.”

And with that, he turned around to lead the team out to the tunnel where the Leeds team was gathering.

RvP shakes Henry’s hand as they walk out, “It’s good to have you back, Thierry. Just let me know if there’s anything you need.”

“You can count on it!” said Henry, eyeing the captain’s armband on RvP’s left sleeve.

As they lined up in the tunnel, ready to walk out on to the pitch, Szczesny whispered into Henry’s ear. “I hope you polished those boots,” he said as he applied some chap stick to his lips.