Healing Anxiety Stemming From the Fear of Rejection

Experiencing the fear of rejection and abandonment? You are not the only one. Humans are social beings, and we are programmed to be with others and feel accepted. This fear operates in all areas of our lives, and it is likely that we have experienced it at least once. To be clear, while this fear is primarily talked about in the context of romantic relationships, it also exists outside of it.

We live in a highly demanding world where we are constantly required to be an asset. Whether its relationships, jobs, or other experiences, we are often expected to be the best version of ourselves at all times. When you expect that this version has not been met, you are likely to fear rejection.

The good news is, there are ways to address this fear and relieve anxiety. While the fear can't completely go away, you can learn to reduce its impact on your life.

Any of us can be at the face of rejection and it is a hurtful experience. (Image via Pexels/ Ron Lach)

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What Is the Fear of Rejection and Abandonment?

Rejection is scary and makes us feel consistently anxious. (Image via Pexels/ Monstera Production)

A fear of rejection is often driven by a need to have someone in your life meet a past need (for instance, consistency, connection, closeness) that went unfulfilled in childhood by your primary caregiver. For instance, you may not have adequately received these needs from your caregiver, so you end up seeking them out in your current relationships.

However, occasionally, society's need for perfection is what causes this rejection. For instance, if you don't fit the category of the perfect employee, you can be rejected. If you don't match the criteria of the perfect partner, you again risk being rejected. Unfortunately, a lot of us are rejected based on our traits and identities.

This perceived fear of rejection can be debilitating, making one avoid situations and people. However, there are ways to heal from the fear of rejection.

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How Can We Heal the Anxiety Stemming From This Intense Fear?

Healing is tough, but possible. (Image via Pexels/ Keira Burton)

When we listen closely to our fears and ask our body where they’re coming from and why, we can ask "what do I need and want?" Then, we can redirect our energy to those things. This helps us come closer to self-acceptance. In fact, while society may continue to throw stones of rejection at you, you can believe in yourself.

Gradually, you can also start exposing yourself to situations that help maintain this fear of rejection. While there is real fear, what keeps it going are your thought patterns. At some point, it may be beneficial to speak to a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy specialist. They can help you recognize your thought patterns and find freedom.

Meeting your own needs is a practice, so be patient and know that on the other side of this is freedom from being dependent. End the cycle of being reliant on someone else to feel secure within yourself and break toxic relationship patterns. Slowly, you can learn to manage anxiety of rejection.

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We all have our own personalities and idiosyncrasies. Expressing ourselves fully is our truest gift to others. It requires living fully as who we really are. Remember that you are not alone, and everyone shares this fear at some point or another. Constant fear and anxiety prevent us from living authentic lives.

While it can be incredibly hard to be rejected, it doesn't determine your entire life. You can choose to move on from it. Fear of rejection is a stepping stone to a better life.

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Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.

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