Living with an Eggshell Mom? Learn How to Deal With Toxic Parenting

Living with an eggshell mom is exactly what it sounds like. It feels like you are walking on delicate eggshells when she is around. Mothers are often our everything, and they usually do their best to protect and take care of us. However, sometimes, their parenting style can be unpredictable and difficult to live with, which is something they may have learned from their own parents.

Eggshell mom is not an official diagnosis and should not be used to label mothers who are experiencing difficulties raising their children. It is a word used colloquially to describe parenting that can hamper a child's mental and emotional growth.

It is also key to remember that not all angry mothers are eggshell moms. Rather, with the latter, you see a pattern in their behaviors. You may feel scared and hurt of being in their presence, but recognizing their signs can help you become aware and protect your mental health.

It is not easy to be a mom and it can be easy for us to make judgements. (Image via Freepik/ Cookie_Studio)

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What Does It Feel like to Live with an Eggshell Mom?

How can living with a mother with these traits affect you? (Image via Vceteezy/ Mac Duong Vu)

An eggshell mom is emotionally reactive. It is tough to predict how they will talk to you or behave around you. They may end up giving mixed messages, and you may be left confused. Your mistakes may be treated as a great danger signal for them. Unfortunately, you may not be aware of how they decide to punish you.

Another subtle sign of being around such a parent is that they may force you to strive towards unhealthy perfectionism. Alternatively, they may impose their own likes and dislikes on you. For instance, perhaps you hated grapes while growing up, but in their head, you have loved grapes forever, which is why they continue to feed you. As a consequence, you may feel burdened by their expectations.

As a child, you may continue to win your mother's attention and validation by meeting her standards. However, sometimes it may take a toll on your well-being and your own set of boundaries, especially as you grow up.

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How Can I Learn to Live with an Eggshell Mom?

Is there a way to live under the same roof without getting hurt? (Image via Vecteezy/ Icon Ade)

Try to become self-aware and create a mental distance. A lot of times, you have to give up on changing your parents. This is a very tough realization and is not achieved overnight. However, sometimes the greatest freedom in toxic relationships is acknowledging that you don't have to change the other person, but yourself.

One of the biggest challenges that you will have to overcome is forgiving your parents. Sometimes our parents try to do their best according to what they know or what they have learned in the past. We can keep holding on, resenting them, and blaming them for what they have done. However, at the end, it ends up impacting our well-being.

One of the first things that you can do is establish boundaries with your eggshell mom. It can be as simple as saying no, or leaving the room when you don't like how she is talking. Setting firm boundaries is not for your eggshell mom but for your own protection.

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If you are a mother and you feel like you have become an eggshell mom, it is not too late to change. Were you raised by an eggshell parent? You can start by reflecting on your thoughts and behaviors and determining if they are associated with your trauma. It is also important not to be hard on yourself.

Meanwhile, if you are a child living with an eggshell mom, remember that there are ways to gain more control without developing negative emotions towards your parent.

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Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.

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