What are the signs of a secure attachment style in adults? 

Secure attachment is one of the bonding styles pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby. His theory emphasizes the importance of early bonds between children and their primary caregivers. This bond remains relevant for us even when we grow up. While we speak of attachment styles primarily in the context of romantic relationships, they exist everywhere.

Have you ever thought about the signs of a secure attachment? There isn't a universal definition of a secure bond but as the name suggests, it is characterised by a sense of safety and peace.

Secure relationships are not a myth and can build over time. (Image via Pexels/ Josh Hild)

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Signs that you share a secure attachment with your loved ones

How can you identify a secure bond? (Image via Pexels/ Kampus Production)

A secure relationship can become the basis for other interpersonal relationships. Secure bonds have the power to contribute to your emotional well-being. It is also possible that a person with an anxious attachment style can start feeling relatively safe in a secure relationship.

Here are some signs of secure bonds that stand out from the rest:

1.Safe communication

A secure bond between adults is characterized by open and honest communication. It is important to note that secure attachments are not perfect and it is not that their communication doesn't falter sometimes. However, individuals try to be open and respectful of the other person's emotions and vulnerabilities. For instance, instead of giving constant advice, you are able to stop yourself and listen to the other person.

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2. Intimacy

Secure attachments are welcoming and fuel intimacy. (Image via Pexels/ Askar Abayev)

Secure individuals bond over many things and are able to be intimate with each other. Whether it is emotional intimacy or feeling safe in each other's company, securely attached individuals feel safe. Anxious attachment styles are often characterized by an intense fear of separation and abandonment. A secure attachment style is characterized by trust and emotional vulnerability.

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3. Availability

Availability is a hallmark feature of secure bonds. Whether it is friends, family, or romantic partners, do you feel that they are available to you? Are they a phone call away and responsive to your needs? If yes, they may be your safety net to fall back on during difficult times. Availability also means that they are able to make space for your emotions, even if they are negative.

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4. Respect

Even during a conflict, individuals in healthy attachments stay away from blame games and labeling. No one is perfect and sometimes securely attached individuals may feel insecure or angry at each other, but they try to find ways to get out of it. They respect each other's space and continue to share a positive view of each other.

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Let's take a quick recap of the signs of a secure attachment. You are clear that you want a relationship and all that it includes. You make time for your relationship and apply lessons from previous relationships. You are receptive to your needs and those of your significant other. If you notice, maintaining a secure attachment is like a delicate dance between two people. One wrong move and you may move towards an anxious attachment style.

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Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.