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Bayern Munich vs Borussia Dortmund Live Score and Commentary, Bundesliga 2017-18

Full time: Bayern 6-0 Dortmund (Lewandowski 5' 44' 87', James 14', Muller 23', Ribery 45+1')
Updated: 31 March 2018 23:51 IST - Published: 31 March 2018 23:05 IST
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Peeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Full time! Lest we forget, it was 1st vs 3rd here ladies and gentlemen, and Bayern have beaten the 3rd best team by 6 goals. Just how ridiculous is that?

This is Amit Mishra signing off. Bayern roll on, BVB need to bounce back after that woeful display, and I need some well-earned sleep. Hope you liked the coverage! Until next time, see you all! For any feedback, you can tweet @DerStoic. 

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That was sublime from Bayern. Kimmich and Muller play a one-two on the right before the former squares a pass for Lewandowski to tap in. Bayern can turn it on when they want, don't they?
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87' GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! It's 6! Lewandowski! Hat-trick!
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85' Five minutes to go. Hang in there. Hoping they don't play any stoppage time here...
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83' Schurrle manages to put a cross from the left flank. I'm a bit surprised BVB didn't try that more often in the game. With a player like Batshuayi lurking around, just whip one in and see if it creates any panic! Bayern have had it so easy. 
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81' Max Philipp finally lights up the second half with a nice little skill to round off Ulreich. But the finish is missing. Wish we saw more of that in the second half!
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80' I feel I've let you all down in the second half. In my defence, I can't really describe sideways passing in 40 different ways, can I? The two teams are just waiting for the fulltime whistle as we enter the final 10 minutes. 
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78' Goetze is off for Sahin. A few whistles. 
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75' This is more of a lullaby now. As I type that, Lewandowski takes a shot and it's saved by Burki. Heynckes doesn't even care anymore. Just don't get injured as we've got to play Sevilla, lads. 
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73' Max Philipp is preparing to come on. To be honest, even if Reus had been there, I don't think the dofference would have been all that much. 
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72' Mario Goetze fails to control a pass and I could hear a few cheers from the Bayern fans. He is a former player of theirs, isn't he? 
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70' I can't help but yawn. The second half has been average. Bayern sealed it in the opening 25 minutes and though I'm bored as hell here, the travelling BVB fans will be glad they're seeing their team keep a clean sheet so far in the second half.
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69' The ovation for Ribery is just incredible as he comes off for Sebastian Rudy. He's 34 and was written off. Hell of a way to make a statement, Franck!
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67' Goetze's shot comes off the post! Ah, sums up their evening, to be honest. It was a shot off his weaker foot and BVB did well to create the opening. Pulisic was found well by Dahoud and the American squared it for Goetze at the edge of the box. But Bayern still manage to keep the score at 5-0. 
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66' Substitution for Bayern: Thiago is on for James.
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65' Yellow card for Ribery. More than petulant as he decided to have a go at Weigl! Calm down, monsieur! 
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63' James had the chance to make it six! Good block by Sokratis, who's second name I do not want to type. Muller did well to outmuscle Akanji and square it for the Colombian, but the Greek international anticipated the direction of the shot equally well. 
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62' Robben again tries one of his typical runs on the right but his shot is too tame and is easily collected by Burki.
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60' Rafinha shifted to the left and has already seen more of the ball in the second half than the entire BVB team. The overloading on the left has been so obvious yet BVB have done nothing to solve it in the second half. 
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59' The game has become a bit soulless now. You can't blame either side for that. Bayern don't have to do anything and BVB are basically scared shitless of the Bayern counter. Who wouldn't be, in fairness? A lot of sideways passing...
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57' A bit of a stoppage here as Rafinha took longer than usual to get back up on his feet. The ref resumes play.
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55' And again! BVB pinch the ball from Rafinha and Schurrle breaks, but his final pass is atrocious and Bayern have possession back again. 
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53' They are all queuing up to score. Even Rafinha wants to get on the scoresheet and has an attempt off target. Dortmund seem like they've seen a Kryptonite that just won't go away. Except this one is red. At 5-0, Bayern are pressing, looking to absolutely destroy the Ruhr based side. Schalke fans will be absolutely loving this!
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51' BVB win win the ball in their own half and break. But like the first half, they muster a short burst of sprint and then come up against a rock at the back, turn around, try to recycle possession, and lose it. 
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50' BVB were abject at the back in the first half. I know they'll want to win the second half, but if they want to do that, they'll have to attack. With Bayern in this kind of mood, that'd be the worst thing to do...
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48' Nothing so far in the second half as Bayern can take the longest break post the half-time break this season. They've earned it, haven't they? 
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46' BVB have started the second half on the front foot and are trying to replicate Bayern by trying to create something from the left flank. 
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PEEEEEP! We're underway! BVB need something more than a miracle. If they manage to turn the result, we'll need to replace the word miracle with BVB. 
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The teams are out for the second half and Bayern make a substitution as Alaba is off. Kimmich will replace the Austrian. 
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There has been so much action in the last few minutes that I've barely had the time to describe the goals! The fourth by Lewandowski was a bit scrappy but it was all down to Ribery. His mazy run on the left was half cleared by Akanji but it ricocheted off his chest and fell kindly for Lewandowski to add his second of the game.

Ribery was perhaps a bit gutted. '
How dare that Pole steal my goal?' he told himself and decided he was gonna get his goal. And boy what a way to do it! A nicely dinked finish over Burki who is as tall as the Swiss Alps. 5-0 at halftime. BVB have been torn apart and it could get much worse!

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Half time! Aaaaand breathe!
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45+1' They've gone and scored another GOAAAAAAAAAAAAL! What the hell, bruv. Take it easy! Ribery with the fifth!
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Yeah, the goal stands! 
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44' Wait for it. It was always coming. GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!  Waiting for the VAR to confirm it. 
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42' Robben almost does a, well, Robben. This was one of the rare near post attempts, though. Not accurate enough. The chance came on the break as Bayern defended staunchly and broke with lightning pace. Robben is perhaps the fastest 34-year-old on this planet!
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40' Bayern win a freekick and James tries to take it quickly. Jeez, you're three goals up, fellas, try to relax a bit, will ya? BVB manage to defend the eventual setpiece delivery. 
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39' Schurrle misplaces a pass. Okay, I tried to play it down. It was a WOEFUL pass. Outside of the boot in a position where a simple sidefoot pass would have done it. You don't give back Bayern possession that easily, lad. 
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37' BVB need to rethink their shape at HT. Most of the chances have come from the left. Bayern leading by three goals with Robbern putting in absolutely zilch creative effort is to damn absurd, isn't it? That's how bad BVB have been on that Bayern left flank.
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35' Lewandowski one vs one against Burki, but he is dispossessed by Akanji! Top tackle by the 22-year old defender. That's more like it!
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34' I'd be surprised if there won't be more goals in the second half. It's been 33 minutes, but the BVB players look like they've played about 200 already. They look absolutely sapped. 
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33' Lewandowski with another half a chance. A good pass by Ribery from the left found the Pole in the box but he simply could control the ball well and lost it in the end. 
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31' The confidence Bayern are playing with is unreal. BVB had 6 players in the Bayern half, trying to press and win the ball. Bayern simply managed to keep it with their impeccable positioning. Even Ulreich looked unfazed while passing it! Blimey!
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29' Substitution already: Weigl replaces Castro. Jeez, he'll be shattered after that performance and the substitution. 
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27' Bayern are basically having fun now. They've realised they've scored enough goals to win two games against Dortmund this early and are just passing it around with the little tricks and flicks.
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25' Lewandowski was almost in again but this time Sokratis managed to keep up and dispossess him at the edge of the penalty box.
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Poor play by Castro who was dispossessed by James in midfield. The Colombian immediately passed it to Lewandowski, made a run on the left, received it from the Pole and put in a smashing cross for Muller to tap it in again. Sublime counter-attacking. Dortmund used to do this not so long ago under Klopp. They've been totally outplayed so far...
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23' GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! MULLER! What was I saying?
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22' BVB are certainly creating chances, but they lack the cutting edge. The shots are being fired straight at Ulreich who has done well in Neuer's absence. They need to be far more convincing!
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20' Pulisic makes a driving run down the middle but he is almost too quick for his teammates to keep up! He sees no one around, contemplates life, and decides to shoot. Ulreich collects safely, though.
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18' Alaba once again make inroads from the left wing. Piszczek is having a tough time here. Lest we forget, Muller still hasn't had a good chance to score and boy can he find room inside the box, that little Raumdeuter (Thank you Barney Ronay)