I hate you, Virat Kohli – you are just too damn good

At the corner of the sofa in front of the television, this 57-year-old man is a fanboy of a player almost half his age. ‘Wow, look at that leg-glance,’ says my old man, ‘you got to appreciate talent when you see it, son.’

And that’s what I hate about this whole situation: my father is right, Virat Kohli is a supreme talent and there is no way anyone can deny it.

‘He is better than Sachin,’ continues my old man as I shake my head in disbelief, both at how easily Kohli executed it and how my father was rubbing his banter on me.

Now, I and my old man share a very conservative relationship. We never really talk, hardly a sentence or two a day – and God knows I will regret this someday – but he never lets go of the opportunity to get one over me when it comes to Virat Kohli and Sachin Tendulkar.

At first, the dislike for him was due to his over-aggressive nature in his early days, but now it’s something else. Rather, it is someone else.

My childhood

Sachin and four-year-olds with a bat is a love story rarely spoken of

So, I was crying. Weeping, actually. I don’t remember much of my childhood, it’s all a bit blur, but I can never forget how I was feeling at that time. That sound… that sight.

Crack...

Bat’s broken by the handle.

It’s beheaded.

Remembering that sound still terrifies me. I realise that it was not the sound of the bat snapping into two that broke my heart, it was the fear of my dreams being shattered that swept the floor off my feet.

I was only four-years-old. When you give a four-year-old kid a bat and introduce him to Sachin Tendulkar, you are just making him dream. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you are, where you are… you have a bat and you have Sachin – you have a dream.

So when that bat cracked into two pieces, my dreams broke and I did what a four-year-old does when his/her dreams break: I cried.

My father is a strict man, he took no bulls**t – especially for something as silly as crying over a broken bat. He would scold me and if I still continued, he would use the rod of chastisement to straighten me out.

But that day, he did not say a word. He just picked up the two pieces, took a hammer and nails and attempted to fix the thing.

Of course, he couldn’t. But, you see, I think he realised what it meant to me. What Sachin meant to me. The bat was as closest I could get to Sachin at that time. When I held it, I felt like Sachin. When I hit the ball with it, I was Sachin.

I think my old man knew this back then and he definitely knows it now. The only difference, however, is that he never taunted a four-year-old, but he mocks the life out of me.

So when he opines that certain someone is better than Sachin Tendulkar, it really gets to me.

And it’s because he is probably correct, at least statistics say so

Sachin and Kohli at the Wimbledon

Kohli made his ODI debut about 9 years and 21 days ago. In that time, he has played in 186 ODI innings, scoring 8587 runs at an average of 55.75, while also making 30 centuries in the process. In Sachin’s first 9 years and 21 days, he was able to play in 14 more innings than Kohli, but that’s the only stat where Sachin is better.

The Little Master was almost a thousand runs behind with 7728 runs in his first 200 innings and had an average of 42.93. He also had 9 centuries less than Virat Kohli has now. To simply put it, Kohli has played 14 innings lesser and is already far ahead of Sachin in the same time-frame.

And there is another thing my dad says that basically splits open the wounds and pours a bucket of salt in it: ‘Virat Kohli is leading India like a true captain, something ‘your’ Sachin couldn’t do.’

I hate you, Virat

I hope you shove that where the sun doesn't shine

Right now, as a writer, I am supposed to laud the way Kohli bats. I am supposed to use poetry and write laurels on the Indian captain. I am supposed to give superlative epithets to the former U19 World Cup-winning captain.

But how can you praise someone you hate?

Kohli, Kohli… you, you kill me. When you hit the straight-drive and send the ball racing to the fence, you kill me. When you slap a short ball outside off-stump and zoom it past the fielder at point, you kill me. When you go on the back foot and flick the ball to deep fine leg for a six, you kill me.

The monsoon has passed, but my heart is still worried. You have now retired, Sachin, so I am restless now… you don’t answer my prayers anymore. Your absence has left my heart devoid of love and as my eyes seek for your divine form, it starts to grow fearful because I might never see it again.

I have lost even after caring so much; no-one now tells me that Sachin is India’s best ever in ODIs.

No-one. And that is because of you, Virat. I hate you, Virat Kohli, I hate you because you are just too damn good.