I rewatched Friends and I can't get over the theory that Rachel never chose Ross, she settled for him

Friends, one of the longest-running American sitcoms, follows six friends, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Chandler, as they navigate the ups and downs of their personal and professional lives from their twenties into their early thirties.

Disclaimer: The following article is based on the writer's opinions. Reader discretion is advised.

Friends season 10 saw Ross and Rachel settle down with each other at long last. From the show's pilot episode to the finale, the audience was stuck in a confused limbo of "will-they-won't-they" until Ross and Rachel decided that they were each other's end game despite their differences.

After watching Rachel evolve from a spoiled runaway bride with no job experience into a self-sufficient, ambitious woman pursuing her dream career, I expected her to end up with a partner who matched her growth. While rewatching the show, I stumbled upon the theory that Rachel didn't truly choose Ross; she settled for him.

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Friends: Ross and Rachel's complicated relationship timeline

In Friends season 1 episode 1, Ross admitted he had a major crush on Rachel in high school. They officially started dating in season 2 episode 15. Things went downhill for the couple when Rachel stated that they should take a break in season 3 episode 15.

By the end of the episode, Ross was making out with Chloe and even slept with her. When Rachel found out about it, Ross argued:

"We were on a break."

To Ross, the break was a breakup, so he slept with Chloe. However, this changed Rachel's perspective of Ross because she had never expected to get hurt by Ross like this. This spawned the everlasting debate of "Were they on a break?" because Rachel had left a voicemail that the break was stupid, but Ross was too busy with Chloe to listen to it until much later.

In season 4 episode 1, Ross and Rachel were together for a bit before Ross refused to take responsibility for what happened and once again claimed that they were on break when he slept with Chloe. For me, that was the first big red flag because he seemed to have moved on a little too fast for someone who had loved Rachel for that long.

Ross and Rachel's relationship in Friends did not reflect a partnership built on mutual respect; it felt like two people caught in a cycle of nostalgia and unresolved tension.

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Was it really love that brought Ross and Rachel together in Friends season 10?

Over the next seasons until the finale, Ross and Rachel got married in Vegas, got divorced, and even became parents, but their relationship status remained complicated. One of the major reasons for this was Ross's emotional immaturity, insecurity, and jealousy. Ross loved Rachel, but it often bordered on obsession.

Ross had tried to control Rachel's career, and we saw a glimpse of it in season 3 when he tried to gaslight her into believing that she valued her job more than him. We saw that once again when he selfishly told her about his feelings when she was preparing to go to Paris for that Louis Vuitton gig.

Ultimately, Rachel got off the plane because she wanted to be with Ross, and in that moment, it was for love. However, in the grand scheme of things, I can't help but wonder if it was really love. She settled for him because it felt safe, familiar, or expected. There was also the fact that Emma was staying back in New York.

Rachel had finally achieved the career she worked so hard for, and giving it all up for a relationship that had been unstable for years felt more like a regression than a romantic triumph. I can't see that as a decision where she chose herself, but rather a decision to go back to something familiar.

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Friends is available to stream on Max.