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Dear Red Devils and Gunners,
I don’t know whether to laugh or feel bad at your current situation where the two of you are so busy fighting against each other. How the mighty have fallen, one might think. It reminds me of two children pushing and shoving each other on a school ground, but we all know neither one of them is going to land the killer punch. It is finally the big boy who has to come and separate them. In this case, that would be me. So, take your fight somewhere else, the big boys are here to play.
Brings back memories, doesn’t it?
I will address both of you one at a time. I’ll start with Manchester United. It’s sad to see you struggle for results week after week and winning thanks to either blind luck or well, referees. You may call us your enemies, but that tag can be only for equals. We are head-and-shoulders above your quick-fix squad which depends on two almost 40-year-olds to keep you going.
I mean, you had to bring out Paul Scholes out of retirement and he is your most influential midfielder as of today. So, where has the ‘genius’ of Alex Ferguson gone now? Yes, you may say that we couldn’t beat you last season and although it’s true, that was supposed to be our worst season ever and yet, we ended up winning the F.A. Cup and Champions League. How many trophies did you win last season? Oh yes, zero. You almost undeservedly won the Premier League, but your ‘noisy neighbours’ really shut you up there. That MUST have hurt! Oh, and despite the referee being man-of-the-match on more than one occasion for you this season, we’re still top of the table.
Despite all the jokes about our striker Torres not performing, he has still scored two goals this season. And you can’t ever talk to us about shopping sprees and excessive money spending, when you went out and bought yourself a 29-year-old injury prone striker for 24 million pounds! At least when we spend money, we spend it well. But I won’t address you for too long, I’m sure your neighbours are just waiting for an opportunity to conquer your ‘fortress’ yet again. You have bigger problems to worry about, so I’ll just move on.
“Why doesn’t anyone want to play with me?” TROPHIES, ARSENE!
Coming to our dear city friends, Arsenal. Ah, poor Arsenal. I don’t even feel like being rude to you, because I feel so bad. Poor babies! How long has it been since your last trophy now? I don’t even remember, do you? Sure, our head-to-head in the last ten games may be very close but again, your victories came in our ‘worst season ever’. Where are the ‘Invincibles’ now? Sure, you’ve had a decent-ish start to the season and your fans are thrilled to bits, but again I would like to remind you to take a quick peek at the top of the table and tell me which name you see. Done? Great, let’s move on.
So, you guys REALLY have a problem with us spending money, don’t you? In fact, your manager claims we have won titles only because of money. Well, might I remind you, that even before the big money came into our club, we had qualified for the Champions League and had legends like Zola, Hasselbaink, Desailly and co. playing for us. And even today, two of our best players ever (Terry and Lampard, in case you haven’t realised) have been with us long before the money came in. They have lasted with us much longer than any of your current players. Apparently, your players have an affinity for the Manchester region than London. Yes, we have spent money on players, but they were just promising talents when they got here. WE made them superstars, WE made them legends. So, it’s not the money that makes the players, it’s the club. I would suggest you to work on how to keep your players happy than point fingers elsewhere. Now, I don’t want to ruin the little party you’re having at the Emirates quite yet, so I’ll just wait till the weekend. If you thought the worst was over last weekend, you are in for quite a surprise. Come 29th, we’ll paint London blue.
Now, I’ll let you get back to your little push-and-shove match. Just wanted to let the both of you know how your little quarrel looks from the top. You guys can continue fighting, we’ll be too busy winning trophies.
Yours truly,
A Chelsea fan
KTBFFH!
P.S. Here are the links to all the previous letters:
3. Red devil reply to the above letter—- http://bit.ly/Q
4. Another reply to Old Trafford—- http://bit.ly/Q
