Satire: BCCI threatens to do what ECB did to Kevin Pietersen

Following the report of the sacking of Kevin Pietersen by the ECB, it seems that BCCI has finally found out a way to answer all their critics. BCCI in their latest press release have threatened Team India members that they should perform better or they will do a Kevin Pietersen like sacking in the coming few days. The official press release stated :

“The members of the Indian Cricket Team are hereby informed that any more non performance of an individual or the team as a whole will lead to the sacking of an important individual from the team. Hence the team should try and perform better in the upcoming Tests else bare the consequences.

PS – This message is not meant for any CSK member and coach Duncan Fletcher. They can relax and enjoy their tour (Duncan, at least smile after reading this). Rest assured, they will be in the team.”

After the announcement, all the non CSK members were in a shock state. While some of the non performers such as Ishant Sharma, Shikhar Dhawan and Rohit Sharma looked quite calm and composed and were seen enjoying on the streets of Auckland (as the Press Release clearly mentioned sacking would happen of an ‘important’ member), the news has affected Virat Kohli (the highest run scorer for the team) the most.

When asked about it, he said, “Yes, of course I am worried. I could see it was coming when I heard the news of KP’s sacking. He is as arrogant as I am and he was also the highest run scorer for his team in Ashes. But then I thought that I should think rationally. I have already contacted Mallya Sir to bid for KP in this IPL as he will be available full time this season.”

When further asked what would you say to BCCI if you are indeed sacked for Performing the best in the series? Kohli was his self again and gave 5-6 hindi gaalis to the cricket control board (some unconventional and some the old clichéd ones).

When Kohli was asked what will he miss the most if he is sacked, he said: “Lasith Malinga’s bowling and run chases.”

In London, ECB after doing the shock announcement is dealing with some other kind of problems. Alastair Cook is concerned with the issue of whom to sack after the upcoming West Indies tour. He said: “I mean Kevin was the go-to guy always. Now with KP gone, this is a matter of great concern for us. I think i would go for Monty now.”

South African Board has also not given a positive response to the ECB’s decision as now there was no one who would ‘text’ them about English strategies. “We are not much concerned though,” said one of the Board members.

“If the English team keeps performing the way it did in the Ashes, we won’t be relying on any text messages for winning,” he added.

Bowlers of other countries were thanking the ECB for taking such a decision: “We are happy that BCCI is also going on ECB’s footsteps and would play for half the money in IPL if they indeed take the decision of sacking Virat.”

Back in Sydney, Peter Siddle was seen dejected though.

Meanwhile all the slow left-arm bowlers have taken a 2 minute silence because of the sacking of their ‘bunny’. Their leader Yuvraj Singh said, “This is the guy who has always inspired us to perform and help us prove to the world that we are not meant just for taking the hammering from a left handed batsman. We can actually take wickets. KP always obliged.”

NOTE: This is a satirical article, not to be taken seriously.