Five reasons why an India-Zimbabwe ODI series is not a good idea

Indian cricketers attend a practice session in Harare on July 22, 2013.

A 15-member young Indian squad, led by Virat Kholi, left on a tour of Zimbabwe on Sunday morning. The team will play five ODIs against Zimbabwe, starting July 24.

While many see this series as a good opportunity for the young players, the matches scheduled against Zimbabwe haven’t quite got the fans’ attention. Hence, here are the five reasons why India-Zimbabwe series is not a good idea.

1 Vinay Kumar’s bowling

A team which consists of Vinay Kumar in its bowling attack should start worrying genuinely. The Zimbabwe batsmen will be ecstatic at the prospect of facing the bowlers with the caliber of Vinay Kumar, Shami Ahmed, Jaydev Undakat, and Mohit Sharma.

With 23 ODI matches under his belt, Vinay Kumar has 28 wickets against his name with an average of 33.07. While this numbers are decent, one must not forget the manner in which it has been achieved.

There is a breed of fast bowlers in cricket whose figures are inflated thanks to chunk of wickets at the death when batsmen are slogging. Vinay Kumar is the prime example of that breed.

Kumar made his Test debut at Perth. On what was supposedly the fastest pitch on earth, Kumar had the distinction of bowling the deliveries which reached the wicket-keeper in one bounce. Every time I see Vinay Kumar being mentioned a fast bowler, I pay a silent tribute to fast bowling.

The prospect of Indian fans painfully witnessing Vinay Kumar hammered, hinders the appearance of the series.

2 Sri Lankan board’s disappointment

BCCI, it seems has annoyed one of its best friend – SLC (Sri Lanka Cricket Board). Always dependent on India for their revenue, Sri Lanka should feel that BCCI has betrayed them by not inviting them as a third team to make this series a tri-nation event.

When contacted, spokesperson of SLC told SportsKeeda: “We are very disappointed by the conduct of BCCI. We have always stood by them through thick and thin. Earlier this year in IPL our players were publicly humiliated by Tamil Nadu government as they were banned from playing in Chennai, but we did not utter a word.”

“Even in ICC board meetings we stood by them by supporting their stance on DRS, Woolf report etc. We even voted for L Sivaramakrishnan in the election of player’s representative, against our captain’s wish. Now they are planning to have a series without Sri Lanka! This is the ultimate betrayal. Now as a consequence we have arranged the series against South Africa.”

Eh, did you hear that BBCI?! Not a good idea annoying your best friend especially at a time when Haroon Lorgat, a well-known admirer of DRS, is appointed as Cricket South Africa chief.

3. Virat Kohli‘s captanicy

Virat Kohli will be captaining India for the first time on his own without anyone’s interventions. Yes, he did captained in the few matches in West Indies but that was when MS Dhoni was lurking in the shadows and had the reins in his hands.

Now, the situation with Kohli being the captain is bit like handing over the reins of a car to a 16-year-old teenager. With Dhoni no more around and a helpless Duncan Fletcher at the helm of affairs, Kohli has the license to abuse.

Kohli, in any case, is well-known for his admiration of motherhood and sisterhood of those who play with or against him. Gautam Gambhir will happily testify that. On this tour, sanctity of mothers and sisters of Zimbabwe players is in danger. Not only Zimbabwe players, even the umpires will have to be on their toes while dealing with Indian captain. It seems even without that DRS in this series, umpires have their hands full.

4. Ten Sport’s broadcasting

Arguably the worst part about this series for Indian fans will be the Hindi broadcasting by Ten Sports – the official broadcasters for this series. They experimented with this concept in the last tri-nation series in West Indies.

Expert panel of Rammez Raja, Arun Lal and co. didn’t cover themselves in the glory during that two week tournaments. One factor in favour of fans then was the time difference between India and Caribbean islands, due to which most fans avoided the mental disintegration as matches finished late night or in the early hours of the morning, but this time around there is no escaping the wrath of Arun Lal.

Talking of Arun Lal, he sticks to his favorite line like: “Yahan Bharat ko chakko ki sahkt zarurat he” and keeps repeating that 50 times in the match. He even made a blunder during the presentation in the finals. This is not expected from a professional commentator. My sympathies are with those who will watch this series.

5. Ravindra Jadeja’s dilemma

Sir Ravindra Jadeja, who, according to Kapil Dev, is the most valuable player in the Indian side, is in a fix right now. Jadeja was hoping for a rest which many of his colleagues got for the tour. But for once even he couldn’t convince the might of BCCI.

Now that he is on board, he is puzzled about how to approach his game against minnows – Zimbabwe. The reason being, Jadeja abides by the ancient Indian philosophy of showing mercy to the weak. He is a staunch believer that the battle should always be fought between the two equals. And to be fair to him, why should he waste his talent against Zimbabwe when greater challenges (read Champions League) lie ahead. Thus, a series, that has put our best player in a fix, can never be a good idea.

DISCLAIMER: This article is a satire and it is meant to be taken in its jest.