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Lalit Modi the Fox, Opening Blues, the Dashing Sehwag and the Return of the Dog

757   //    20 Mar 2010, 17:55 IST

A perfect jump, excellent action, perfect footfall and a brilliant follow-through. Yes folks, its that time of the year again, where we stare open mouthed at cheerleaders.

The DLF IPL 2010 has begun with a pffffff. Seriously, I would have loved to have typed ‘bang’ there but the butt of 99.7% of my jokes, Lalit Modi, should be sitting with his face red as a Kookaburra after that destruction they called the ‘Opening Ceremony’.

I was unfortunate enough to be sitting in the crowd watching ’2012′ right in front of my eyes. Some guy named UB40 was singing something not even The Almighty could understand, then Deepika Padukone..well I don’t know what she did. From where I could see, I just caught a glimpse of a hand but my friends thought I was extremely lucky.

Lalit Modi

Lalit Modi

Then ofcourse, came Lionel Ritchie. Hey Lalit, what year are we in? 1844? Seriously, I heard his name in history books and here he was singing something I couldn’t comprehend much like UB40 guy. Four guys and gals calling themselves ‘ABBA Revival’ lip synced and played cardboard guitars with such vigour, I felt I could be as good as Beethoven. But these guys made sure, ABBA would never comeback from the dead.

Pandemonium is the only adjective I could use for what was happening around these stars. People with lights on their heads covered with Star Wars-like clothing walking around in no particular pattern. I only wished for the match to start before my eyes pop into my hands.

Soon after Kolkata Knight Riders shocked Shah Rukh Khan into not making an appearance by beating Deccan Chargers, deja vu was the only feeling associated with the IPL. And deja vu in every single way.

Remember, when a dog walked into the stadium last year and strolled along while ads were being shown and Lalit’s pockets kept getting bulkier? Well, that was not last year, it was this year. Or rather it was last year. See! Deja vu! Lalit’s best friend returned the favour of being treated to a million dog treats after last year’s appearance by making another one. C’mon Mr. Modi! We thought you were smart and you keep doing the same trick over and over again!

But just when you thought our Lalit was so predictable, you’re facing a bouncer bowled by Parthiv Patel. Between each over, an advert is shown for about ten seconds making our own Lalit ten seconds richer! We thought,’Oh the man has gone soft, reducing the ‘Jodhaa Akbar’ strategic timebreak to a smaller ‘Aag’ like timebreak(nobody sat through the whole thing now, right?).’

But the sly Lalit has increased his earning by adding these breaks in between overs. How smart is that you ask? I say very because you don’t even realise whats going on. Oh, Lalit you sly fox.

Many people have been irritated by these interruptions and so was I until I actually concentrated on the ads. I realised, these weren’t ads! These were hilarious clips which were sure to keep the viewer stuck to his or her seat! For example, Virender Sehwag, who murders bowlers and puts Jack the Ripper to shame, throwing a mobile up and down like a ball and nodding his head sideways, enough to make Rajnikanth frown and roll his eyebrows up and down with the precision of a Bharatnatyam dancer and ending it by delievering a dialogue to be remebered(at least by me) forever. ‘I am dashing, I am Karbonn’. Six words that changed my life. I rushed to get my Karbonn mobile the same day.

The IPL, ladies and gentlemen, is very much back!

"I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures." - Oscar Wilde
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