Satire – cricketers and their New Year's resolutions

Mushfiqur Rahim’s premature celebrations against India in the World T20 (Picture – Wisden India)

So it is that time of the year again when we resolve to begin afresh. While most of us are determined to shed/gain some weight this year, this is what our favourite cricketers have sworn to execute in 2017.

Mushfiqur Rahim

Resolution to not celebrate until the match is won

Mushfiqur Rahim became the butt of all jokes when he celebrated Bangladesh’s win on the third ball of the 19th over of India’s World T20 clash against them, when they were still 2 runs short of a win. The hosts won the game at the Chinnaswamy in Bengaluru, courtesy Dhoni’s lightning-fast run-out which prevented the batsmen from completing a run.


MS Dhoni

Best wicket-keeper for India? MSD!

Resolution to give more time to the batsmen to run between the wickets

One of the most resourceful players in world cricket, MS Dhoni is arguably the best wicket-keeper India has ever produced. Dhoni holds the world record for the fastest stumping when he dismissed Dinesh Chandimal within 0.09 secs, and also the record for the most number of stumpings.

Sometimes he flicks the ball towards the stumps without even looking at it! His presence of mind behind the stumps has saved India many a times.


AB de Villiers

AB de Villiers’ quest for the World Cup continues

Resolution to not win the World Cup

De Villiers has competed in six World T20s, out of which he has captained in two and 3 World Cups out of which he has captained in one. But on all occasions, his team having been branded ‘chokers’ returned home without the trophy.

South Africa’s disheartening exit from the 2015 World Cup has been described by AB de Villiers in his book - AB: The Autobiography.

The penultimate chapter, called "The Dream", goes in-depth into the 2015 World Cup - revealing how South Africa kept a collective diary in which cricketers made daily entries, and reiterating de Villiers' conviction that South Africa would finally lift the trophy.


Wahab Riaz

Wahab Riaz in action against Australia

Resolution to stop taking bowling lessons from Mohammed Amir after bowling so many no balls

Wahab Riaz bowled 12 no balls in the 2nd Test against Australia at the MCG a few days ago and social media went ablaze.


Laxmipathy Balaji

Laxmipathy Balaji announced as the new bowling coach of KKR

Resolution to not end up being coached by the KKR bowlers

(Former India International, Laxmipathy Balaji has been appointed as the new bowling coach for the IPL franchise Kolkata Knight Riders.


Gautam Gambhir

Can Gambhir control his temper in IPL 2017?

Resolution to injure bowlers' average and not chairs

Gautam Gambhir kicked a chair at the Chinnaswamy Stadium in Bengaluru after KKR beat RCB in an IPL game last year.


Misbah-Ul-Haq

Time for Misbah to say goodbye to cricket?

Resolution to not do any more push-ups

Misbah-Ul-Haq is 42 years old and his form is only getting worse with each match. According to Ian Chappel, the time is right to sack Misbah from the team, whose poor captaincy and form have cost Pakistan many of its matches.


Chris Gayle

When Chris Gayle did a Sourav Ganguly after winning the 2016 WT20

Resolution to keep his shirt on

From celebrating his team's Twenty20 World Cup win with a bare-chested reggae dance, to being accused of exposing his genitals to a female staff from the team, the swashbuckling hitter lives the way he wants to.


Rohit Sharma

Rohit Sharma did not have a very good time with the bat in 2016

Resolution to stick around at the crease for longer than 5 minutes.

Because, as seen in many games, Rohit Sharma has a knack of hitting a few big shots in the beginning of his innings and then getting out cheaply.


Virat Kohli

The run machine

Resolution to let others score runs

Because when King Kohli bats, others in the team have to wait for their turn.


KL Rahul

KL Rahul missed out on many opportunities due to 3 back to back injuries

Resolution to not get injured more than 3 times

KL Rahul was injured 3 times in 2016, which led him to miss out on a lot of action.


Shahid Afridi

36 years young!

Resolution to retire and come out of retirement once again

In 2010, Shahid Afridi was made the Test captain of the Pakistan side, and after just a single match, he quit. His reasons were a lack of form and inability to play the longer version of the game.

Afridi next retired right after he led Pakistan to the semi-finals of the 2011 World Cup. And wait, this is not it. After being replaced by Misbah-ul-Haq as skipper, Afridi again announced his retirement, citing differences with coach Waqar. He made a return after that too!


Mustafizur Rahman

Mustafizur Rahman’s misconduct on the field needs to be kept under control

Resolution to stop picking on the children in the neighbourhood

During an ODI between India and Bangladesh in Mirpur, Dhoni set off for a single after playing the ball to mid-off. Mustafizur, operating from over the wicket, glanced over at Dhoni and then moved in his direction. Dhoni ran into Mustafizur during the run, and shoved him out of his way with his forearm.

Earlier in the innings, Mustafizur was involved in a similar incident with Rohit Sharma, but that collision was softer, though Rohit later was seen pointing his finger at the bowler.

Can they live up to their resolutions? The coming games will answer that question.

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Edited by Staff Editor
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