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Satire: 7 things I learned without watching the first 2 India-South Africa ODIs, and other conspiracy theories

The Reaper
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846   //    05 Feb 2018, 10:19 IST

Image courtesy: BCCI
Image courtesy: BCCI

Let me start out by saying that I am a cricket lover.

So, even when I'm not watching it, I'm talking about it. Or writing about it. Or making crazy predictions, and assumptions, and assertions, with nothing whatsoever backing up these crazy predictions, assumptions, and assertions.

I have not watched a single delivery of the current India-South Africa ODI series. I have been following ball-by-ball commentary, I have read match-reports, and I have discussed it with friends. But I have not seen anything.

I thought about how often we cricket fans get into arguments more rooted in emotion than fact despite watching everything live. How we gloss over certain details, how we focus upon obscure statistics to make our point. I decided that not actually watching the Cricket shouldn't deprive me of doing that. So I wrote this.

So here goes; this is rooted in my own emotions, and feelings, and obscure statistics that I have focused upon to make my point, whilst glossing over other salient details.

I do not intend this to be taken seriously. Have fun with it.

Virat Kohli is very very very good at this chasing thing

Image courtesy: BCCI

One hundred and fifty-eight runs.One hundred and sixty-nine deliveries faced. Two run-chases. Two victories.

At this point, it is noteworthy when he fails in a run-chase. He is quite simply the greatest chaser in the history of this game. Had the Harry Potter books been written in the present age, there would have been a Kohli on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

'Nuff said.

Moving on....

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