Satire: 7 things I learned without watching the first 2 India-South Africa ODIs, and other conspiracy theories

Rohit Sharma is a selfless team man

Rohit Sharma [file photo]

There was a great deal of consternation after the first 2 Test matches regarding Virat Kohli's selection calls. I, for one, wrung my hands in despair, and told anybody that would listen that he had lost the plot. (HOW.CAN.YOU.DROP.AJINKYA.RAHANE. I am calm. I am calm.)

The biggest point of contention for me, was that Ajinkya Rahane, our most consistent Test batsman, had been dropped. Not that he had been dropped for Rohit Sharma-I am a massive, massive Rohit apologist/fan(delete one depending on whether you're a Rohit hater or think he's the greatest thing since unregulated, big bats)-and any decision that allowed my favourite to play was a decision that I supported., but that he had been dropped. So, when he played important innings in both the final Test match, and first ODI(both of which we won), I threw my hands up in delight, and told anybody that would listen that Virat Kohli had lost the plot, and that Rahane would have not only scored 2 match-winning centuries in the first 2 Tests, but he would have also inspired Rohit to score a double, and triple century.

However, it must be noted that Rahane would not have had these opportunities without Rohit. Ravi Shastri recently stated that it was obvious that Rohit was the form batsman both in the nets, and in the middle, and that was why he was picked ahead of Rahane.

It all makes sense now. Form batsmen do not score 78 runs in 4 Test innings, and 35 runs across 2 ODI innings unless they are rubbish. OR, unless they've been getting out early to allow their out of form teammates the chance to score match shaping runs. Clearly, Rohit was doing the latter. Clearly. Clearly.

But what do I know, I have blinkers on when it comes to Rohit, and haven't watched a single delivery since the second test concluded.