Week #2: Free Kagiso Rabada

'Beware the Ides of March’. With its pushing and shoving, power politics and harsh rulings, this week in cricket has done everything it can to embody Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. And putting my high-school trauma aside, there’s no better time to dive headfirst into the mountains of hot, steamy, cricketing excreta produced this week.

#FreeRabada

Kagiso Rabada destroyed Australia singlehandedly in the second Test match to level the series 1-1, with match figures of 11-150, but copped a 2-match suspension, which he has subsequently appealed, for nudging Steve Smith and sending David Warner off.

***

There’s something extremely erotic about Rabada. He’s tall, dark and handsome and knows the secrets of reverse swing. His muscles gleam under a fiery South African sun and we all know he’s a bit of a bad boy. It’s all just so…. masculine. And when he bowls. Oh, my. It’s hard not to feel a little tingle down there when he loads up in that distinctive style. It’s powerful. Swing at extreme pace is seductive: especially when it all clicks.

So, when Rabada chews up and spits out the best batsman on Earth, and then eats his vice-captain for dessert, he’s pretty goddamn right to be pumped. In fact, his send-offs were almost as exciting as his bowling itself. We watch cricket to see these bursts of energy, these explosions of power and aggression, not sit around flaccid as players greet each other courteously and medium pacers trundle in impotently. For how much longer does this ‘gentleman’s game’ charade need to continue for the officials to realise that suspending star players for minor infractions is only damaging the game. Let Rabada loose, let him entertain and the crowds will come. Let Virat Kohli pump his fist and stomp his feet, let players make their opponents’ lives hell, because this is Test cricket goddamnit, it’s not a spectacle if both teams are happy.

Sri Lanka and Bangladesh’s pissing contests win neither any friends

What exactly is the '

naagin

' celebration, and why is it so uncool?

In the penultimate match, and quasi-semi-final of the Nidahas Trophy, tensions between Sri Lanka and Bangladesh were at an all-time high. In the last over, with 12 to win off 4, Mahmudullah got into an argument with the umpires over a no ball. At this point, a Bangladesh substitute, who had run onto the field to attend to the batsmen, begins to argue with the Sri Lankan fielders, and is pushed away by them. Tensions brew, Shakib calls the batsmen in, but then tells them to go back out and Mahmudullah wins his team the game. Then there’s some more argy-bargy, and things eventually quiet down, for about five minutes, when the glass door of the Bangladesh dressing room is found smashed up. Players were handed fines, and the Investigation of the Glass Door is underway.

***

I have so many questions. Why was a substitute sledging the fielders? Do the players know that these boards depend on each other significantly in the ICC? Why did the Bangladeshi players, as guests of Sri Lanka Cricket, have to break their dressing room door? Why did the players involved in an actual physical altercation get just a lowly fine, while everyone’s favourite KG Rabada is suspended?

Perhaps there’s an answer to these questions. Probably not. In either case, this is as much as I’d ever wanted to speak about a Bangladesh-Sri Lanka T20, so let’s end it with one of sport’s existential questions: ‘Is it worth it to get eyeballs, if the attention is not on the sport, but the fracas surrounding it?’

For the wrap-up of the final of the Nidahas Trophy, tune in next week.

Kevin Pietersen Retires from all Forms of Cricket

Kevin Pietersen, swashbuckling English batsman at the best of times, commentator in the worst of times and everything else in his career sort of falls in that vast, vast spectrum. The legend/villain tweeted his retirement, after having ended his career in the PSL. He had not played an international match since the New Year’s Test of the 2013-2014 Ashes, and had been making the rounds of the T20 circuit with diminishing returns over the past few years.

***

The internet is awash with highlights, pictures, tributes and lots of blokey “well done, mate” sort of messages from former players. He is set to continue his good work saving rhinos from poachers, a noteworthy cause.

Let’s all just hope his retirement doesn’t mean more gigs in the commentary box.

The fight for power of Indian cricket continues; the CoA finally puts its foot down

The court-appointed Committee of Administrators, who were tasked with implementing the Lodha reforms, has finally, after a year of stalemate with obstinate officials, blocked the powers of the BCCI office bearers. These office-bearers, Anirudh Chaudhry, Amitabh Choudhary and CK Khanna, are said to take most of the BCCI’s decisions. From now on, all major moves will need to go through the CoA. To this development, Amitabh Choudhary wrote a scathing letter, claiming that their fundamental rights were being “gagged”.

***

It is understood that the governance of the BCCI has long been in the hands of politicos who have run the sport on a volunteer basis (with just a few hours a day spent on the multi-billion dollar Indian cricket industry), and this development will place it in more competent hands. However, these power plays (excuse the pun) have a nasty way of falling apart, with the same dirty rotten administrators that looted the fans in the first place taking back their roles as usual. Stay tuned for more developments.

Afghanistan beat the West Indies, as the Super Sixes go down to the wire

Zimbabwe vs Scotland in the group stages ended in a tie

As associate/lower rung cricket often does, the World Cup Qualifiers seem to be flying under the radar, with all the major nations engaged. The Super Sixes this week saw Afghanistan topple the other favourites, the West Indies, in a thriller of a game dominated by the wunderkind Mujeeb Zadran and Rahmat Shah. Ireland were dismantled by a powerful Zimbabwe, who have the advantage of home conditions, a dedicated fan following and a special allrounder in Sikandar Raza.

With each of the six teams left with two games to play, and the playing field still fairly even, there’s everything to play for. Stay tuned for all the updates, next week.

Other Headlines

• Australia Women whitewash Indian Women in ODI series, but healthy crowds and TV coverage are big positives
• Irani Trophy ends in a boring draw. Why did the teams even bother on that lifeless pitch?
• Pakistan waits with bated breath as home PSL games approach
• India might play a day-night Test against the West Indies, fans cry tears of joy

And now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the winner and loser of this week.

Winner: Mahmudullah's bank account

43 off 18 balls in a tournament with plenty of eyeballs on it. Smells like T20 contracts all over the world. Mahmudullah’s stock price just went through the roof with his whirlwind match-winning innings, and it won’t do a thing to hinder his contracts in the T20 leagues around the world.

Loser: Cricket fans, everywhere

No crazy-eyes Rabada send-offs, no Dale Steyn chainsaw and everyone knows New Zealanders are the nicest guys in cricket. I suppose us fans, who are only in this complicated, masochistic relationship for a five-day battle to the death, are going to be disappointed this week, with no Rabada, an Australia told by their boss to be on their best behaviour, and the general niceness of Kane Williamson and co. I suppose we still have Alyssa Healy going at it in the tri-series though.