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Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this poem are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Sportskeeda.
Dear Luis Suarez, wait. Or should I be saying “not so dear”?
Cause once again you’ve proven just why you’re a pain in the rear.
You huffed and puffed against us, and then you had Ivanovic for dinner,
And then when no red was shown, you stayed on and scored the winner.
People call you a footballing genius but do you have any brains at all?
Your acts on the pitch have shown us that you’ve got the IQ of a brick wall.
I’ve got all your stupidity jotted down here; it’s big enough to make a list,
So let me know, if there’s anything that I’ve missed.
First of all in the recent World Cup, against Ghana in extra time,
If only the West Africans knew Uruguay had 2 keepers on the line,
You got sent off, watched the penalty, and then said “Gyan missed, phew!”
Your handball save was so amazing, Fernando Muslera could have kissed you.
And then just a few months on, while wearing Ajax’s noble attire,
Otman Bakkal feared the worst when you bit him like a vampire.
A 7 match ban was all they gave to the so-called “king of dribbling”,
But Brana and Otman will testify that you’re also the king of nibbling.
One year on in the Premier League, just when things seemed a little too quiet,
Your retarded streak struck once again, and your loud mouth set off a riot.
Poor Sepp Blatter tried ever so hard, with his campaigns of anti-racism and fair play,
And what he got was a heart attack, with what made headlines the very next day.
Then of course we come to yesterday, your stupidity again being the central glitch,
Why is your hunger directed at footballers mate? He’s Ivanovic, not a sandwich!
And how can we forget the diving allegations, which see you go down ever so frailly?
I swear with practice and UK citizenship, you could replace Olympic diver Tom Daley.
Well maybe, just about maybe I think, you don’t need to work on being a diver,
Maybe all that you need is tightening the bolts, in your head with a screwdriver.
Now you can be a downright idiot again, and earn yourself another ban,
Or get your act together for once, regards, every single footballing fan.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this poem are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Sportskeeda.
