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Chelsea hire Torres' fitness trainer to help the forlorn targetman.

1.36K   //    04 Jul 2011, 13:07 IST

Note: This article is supposed to be tongue-in-cheek at some points. Read with an open mind.

In 2008, Fernando Torres was an icon for young footballers everywhere. he was at the top of his game; scoring goals for fun in Liverpool and for his country. He even scored the vital goal in the finals of the Euro National Championships that year, which that saw Spain kick-start their domination over continental and world football. Since then, he has had a one-and-a-half bad season with Liverpool (compared to his own previous standards) and moved on to Chelsea, where he’s been the worst form of his life! And this seems to have made him the butt of a countless number of jokes. Stuff like, “you think pregnancy is hard? Try getting Torres to score” or “Torres for peacekeeper in the LOC- No shots reported” but frankly, these jokes are crossing the line… ( Aw, you know the joke! Finish it in your head).

Facepalm: when words can't describe how bad you let yourself down last season.

Chelsea have tried everything. Well, maybe not everything, but they have done a lot to help the Spaniard regain his form. From Ancelotti dishing out shooting practice for the whole team that saw Englishman Ashley Cole mistakenly fire air rifle rounds at an intern- to every other player passing the ball to the Spaniard inside the box to try and get him to score. But all has failed; nort completely, but pretty much. Torres has only scored one goal since his high-profile 50 million pound move move from Liverpool to Chelsea. Also, he has done quite less otherwise- El Nino looks like the shade of the player who was banging goals for Liverpool and Spain just some time ago. So, Chelsea have decided it’s high time that they figure out new and improved ways to help the striker regain his eye for goal. The latest point will be discussed later, but as of now, they have:

Torres on vacation.

1. Sent the Spaniard for a long vacation: And lets face it, he deserves it. Torres sustained an injury in the World Cup and many suspect this as one of the main reasons for him poor form this season. Some would argue that since treatment, El Nino has not been able to reach his past fitness levels and is therefore playing as bad. The striker has looked lazy and lethargic- a contrast to the spirited and pacy Nando of the past- and that seems to have come from physical and mental well-being issues. A holiday will only help him attain mental peace, and help him focus on his football. His hefty price-tag has been like a huge rabid monkey on his back; and hopefully, we can see him chucking it away once he returns to England.

2. Reminded torres of what the goal looks like: The first thought that flashed my mind when I saw Chelsea advertise their new away jersey for the 2011 season was: “This is genius! An absolute masterstroke!”. Not only had they given the jersey a snazzy look, they had incorporated the checks flawlessly, to make it look like the back of the net(Or any part of the net, but bear with me on this one). Torres has apparently lost his “eye for goal” and “forgotten what the back of the net looks like”, BUT the designers at Adidas have done good work ensuring that every time Nando’s trying to put on a t-shirt or wiping his sweat on it, he gets a sudden reminder of where the ball is supposed to go. And if you still don’t believe me, check the banner for the ad below. Tell me that Torres is not happy remembering the good old days of scoring and celebrating. Tell me that this jersey wasn’t made exclusively for the Spaniard.

See? Remember? Football goes here.

3. Brought in Torres’ personal fitness trainer: This has happened recently, after Andre Villas Boas took charge as the Chelsea manager at Stamford Bridge. Ivan Ortega the personal trainer of Torres has been summoned by the London club to help the Spaniard out with any lingering fitness issues. Ivan has been working with Fernando for quite some time now, and he was part of the team that helped Torres in rehabilitation after he sustained an injury last summer during Spain’s successful World Cup campaign. The Chelsea board hope that this move would help the Spaniard get some calm, with personalized treatment being used for the Fifty million man. Ancelotti had said in his first press conference about Torres that he was lacking a bit in physical fitness, but AVB has made sure it’s no issue next season with the arrival of Ortega at the Bridge.

Y so srz? Lets put a smile on that face!

Anyway hopefully, Chelsea will see their star man hitting top form again under the new manager with the effort that they are putting in. No matter how much I dislike the Spaniard myself, I still have a bit of pity-like for him that wants to seehit form in the course of this coming season. And the Chelsea fans can then sing, “Fernando Torres! Chelsea’s no. 9!!!”

Well, I love football, and I hardly take things too seriously. Also, I love writing unnecessarily big sentences and using commas (you know, ',' these lil guys) And, I'm good creative writing and drawing and play for my local team whenever I can make time out. Enough about me. What about you?
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