Conclusions from a high-octane night at the Bernabeu

Okay, it’s over. Barcelona and Real Madrid had their first bout of the El Clasico freestyle (punching, kicking, diving, eye-poking and blaming) series for this season. Real Madrid have firmly laid their hands on the first piece of silverware Spain had to offer. Though you have to admit that Barcelona were the better side over the two legs but as the golden rule says: “There are no points for being better at a game of soccer. You just have to poke a small, circular thing called football in the back of the net.” (I’m fully aware of the fact that the scores were level over the two legs, I just had to get that quote out of my mind and into this piece). Just like millions of reporters around the world, I have my computer screen steadily in my sights as I will try and bring my expert opinion on the game (also rephrased as 1200 words of absolute nonsense).

Disclaimer - The author of the post was high on caffeine while compiling this piece due to the unforgiving schedule of the telecast of Spanish games in India. Please excuse him for being a little over-exaggerative.

One sweet trophy.

1. Barca need(ed) a centerback, not Alex Song

So, after a hideous war of words with his ex-flame Arsenal, Alexandre Dimitri Song Billong was finally on the Barca train, a ride he had dreamt of throughout his life (Apparently, he had also fantasized about winning the English league with the Gunners, but that’s another story). Though I couldn’t point out any mistake in his 20-minute debut, sadly, one would have to be visually impaired to ignore the horrendous errors by the Barca back line in the game. Dani Alves and Carlos Puyol were sorely missed as the not-so-trustworthy combination of Adriano, Alba, Pique and Mascherano embarrassed themselves in front of the Madrid faithfuls.

Moreover, Barca signed Song over the summer, a player who can play at the back if needed but is certainly not a mainstream defender. My viewpoint is further shored up by religiously watching the Cameroonian bulldozer play for Arsenal last season where he practised his uncanny habit of not tracking back against the run of play. With Sergio Busquets (I tried very hard to avoid any sarcastic joke here) already flourishing in his role, Barca would’ve been better off with some re-enforcements in defense.

Smile, while the honeymoon lasts.

2. Victor Valdes is NOT a Real Madrid player in a Barca shirt

Well, maybe he is or maybe not. After considering himself a possessor of Messi-esque (not sure if it’s a legitimate English word) dribbling skills and making a fool of himself in the first leg, all eyes were on Valdes to give the world something to chuckle at again. Going by the number of chances Real created in the first half, he could’ve been easily in for a mauling. Fortunately, for the sake of his career and Barca’s reputation, Valdes didn’t wear his dribble shoes to the game and put up a brave show.

Not to forget, it wasn’t one of his best games either. Both the goals let in went through his legs. He, coincidentally, had the luxury of hiding behind his team’s ashamed back-line. For years, critics have considered Valdes a weak-link in Barca’s otherwise perfect squad. Call it Victor’s luck or Jose Pinto’s (yes, the guy with the weird hair) in-competitiveness, it seems difficult for someone to take his place in the team.

Smile, while the honeymoon lasts [2]. Seems like the honeymoon will last…

3. Modric’s gooey eyes and buck teeth won’t get him into the first team

Luka Modric‘s completion of his high-profile, big money move from Spurs last week meant that he had the chance to win his first trophy in Real colors without even kicking a ball last night. He did make his debut though and came miraculously close to scoring too. We all know Modric is good footballer, his significance in the Spurs team can’t be under-rated. But Madrid and Spurs are two very different teams, both in terms of stature and playing style. With Real seemingly playing a 4-2-1-3 formation, the only position where Modric easily slots in, is the one behind the three forwards, the play-maker role, currently occupied by Mesut Ozil. Now, Ozil has done his reputation a lot of good over the last two seasons. We all know how he can see pin-point through balls with those eyes of his. Tipping Modric to start ahead of Ozil is a tough bet to place, knowing that Ozil has been indispensable in the team. The season is yet to follow, who knows? Maybe Modric can place me on the receiving end of a lot of slack.

Smile, while the honeymoon lasts [3]. If only cuteness could translate into appearances…

4. Ronaldo and Messi can be the solution to India’s electricity problems, the can light anything up

Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. Are they humans? Are they humans with special abilities? Are they aliens? Are they Gods? Who knows? Is the whole world in awe of them? Yes, it definitely is. Ronaldo, often accused of not showing up at big games, put in the shift of his life last night. One minute, he was helping the defense out. Next moment, he was on the other side of the pitch, trying to get past the Barca defenders, wrecking up their nerves.

The skill he managed to demonstrate for his goal was one of the best I personally had ever seen live. His role in making Pique look like a high school kid, let alone a professional footballer was momentous, to say the least. Lionel Messi, looking atleast 5 years younger in his new hairdo, single-handedly silenced the Bernabeu and gave his team a shot at the trophy with a thrilling, around the wall free- kick. Astonishing stuff! The duo choosing to avoid each other at the end of the game provided tabloids with more fodder and the occasion with even more sparks. Take your pick:

Ronaldo bamboozling Pique

5. Tito Vilanova needs to losen up

Tito Vilanova, on the Barca bench and his press conferences, comes across as a well behaved guy, a man of high integrity and discipline. The departure of Pep Guardiola, his ex- boss has undoubtedly left a huge void in his team and Tito has huge boots to step into. Vilanova, unlike his Portugese counterpart at Real, appears quite anxious and over- wrought on the touch- line; something that transpired through to the team on the field last night. I believe, if he, just like Pep, can spice it up and let his sentiments out, it will/ can help in conveying his message across better. As long as there’s no eye- poking involved, it’s all good.

As you might have guessed, the fifth point wasn’t meant to be there. It is there because I couldn’t think of anything else and this was meant to be a five-point piece. There, I said it.

Learn from the boss, Tito.