10 of the funniest football chants in English League

Jermaine Easter  Wycombe

Football chants have become a source of great joy for the football going fan. Its power is such that it has become a necessary tool in the football fans armory. It adds to the bacchanalia of the atmosphere. The greatest football chants are mirth inducing. It should be carefully constructed to a tune while also being funny and easy enough to be sung in unison by thousands. But its greatest quality should be its comic value. Be it to chastise a player or to glorify or even as a back and forth between fans, it has to be funny. So here's a look at the funniest football chants heard in recent times.

#1 \'You\'re not as good as Christmas!\'

Jermaine Easter  Wycombe

Striker Jermaine Easter was once the subject of mockery from the fans of his current club Bristol Rovers while playing for Wycombe.

Bristol Rovers once chanted 'You're not as good as Christmas!' at the Welsh international when he played for Wycombe Wanderers, playfully ribbing him about his name while also making him know of their feelings about his game.

The irony of this chant is that the Rovers fans will be hoping that they were wrong about him and will probably have to soften up to Easter now that he plays for them.

#2 You only live round the corner!

It is only inevitable that you’re going to be called a fair wheather fan when you’re team rarely ever has a bad day. Manchester United fans were on the receiving end of some glory hunting jibes from opposition fans for most of Ferguson’s era. This resulted in some very humorous taunts from the terraces such as the “You only live round the corner” chant.

First heard at Craven Cottage, this has become an anthem for London clubs to sing to Manchester United every time they are around.

It probably doesn’t help that consensus’ keep revealing that majority of the United fans live in London. Good luck trying to convince others you're not a glory hunter.

#3 John Terry is shagging your wife

youtube-cover

It probably didn't help that John Terry comes off as a very contemptible individual, to every opposition fan, but the emergence of news that he had less than moral relations with former team-mate Wayne Bridge's wife was ammunition enough for rival fans to chastise him.

Even now, this chant can be heard echoing around the stadium and has acted as quite the atmosphere builder in quieter games. We are definitely sure that Terry doesn’t really appreciate reminders of his mistakes of the past.

#4 \"We lose every week, We lose every week, You\'re nothing special, We lose every week\"

youtube-cover

Self-deprecative humor is among UK’s best export to the world along with, obviously, football. So when the two combine, it is no surprise that it makes for a very entertaining show.

"We lose every week, We lose every week, You're nothing special, We lose every week" is a popular chant employed by fans across all tiers of football in Britain. It is often used by the teams at the bottom of the table as a means to chastise and underplay the opposition’s superiority against them.

#5 \"You\'re going down! You\'re going down! You\'re going down!\" \"So are we! So are we! So are we!\"

Football chants are all about wits and it can often get vile and abusive, but sometimes simplicity wins. Like this chant heard at the Tyneside derby.

In a torrid season for both Newcastle and Sunderland, Newcastle burst out, "You're going down! You're going down! You're going down!" at the away fans after taking the lead. Nothing out of the ordinary for rivals to take the mickey out of each other, but not to be outdone off the pitch as well, Sunderland fans riposted with a "So are we! So are we! So are we!", thus effectively winning the battle of the terraces.

#6 \"He\'s coming for you, He\'s coming for you, Harry Potter, He\'s coming for you\"

youtube-cover

West Ham fans deserve plaudits for this one. It is creative, funny and unlike anything you'd have heard at a football match before. Unless you are used to watching football at Hogwarts.

Seeing Jonjo Shelvey warm up, the West Ham fans taunted him with chants about Harry Potter's impending arrival. To those that didn't get the joke, it is with reference to his pale complexion and alopecia which makes for an uncanny resemblance to Lord Voldemort – the main antogonist in the series. To his credit, Shelvey looks visibly amused.

#7 \"He went for a shit! He went for a shit! Jason Puncheon, He went for a shit!\"

youtube-cover

In 2013 during Southampton's game against Everton, the then Saints' player, Jason Puncheon's slight excursion from the pitch raised a few questions in the minds of the commentators and the pundits on duty, but the fans were left in no doubt as to the reason for his absence: he had to use the loo!

His return to the pitch, after a brief interval, was welcomed with a raucous chorus of "He went for a shit! He went for a shit! Jason Puncheon, He went for a shit!"

The match ended in a drab 0-0 and it was a wonderful showing of sportsmanship from both teams to shy away from goals as Puncheon attended to nature's call.

The chant evolved over time and version of "He shits when he wants! He shits when he wants! Jason Puncheon, He shits when he wants!" can be heard whenever he scores a goal.

#8 \"You\'ve been hit by, You\'ve been struck by, Leeeee Catter-mole!\"

Lee Cattermole

It was inevitable that one of the greatest musicians of all time would eventually get commemorated with a football chant. Unfortunately for him, it's not the way he would have wanted to be remembered.

Smooth criminal has been adopted as an anthem for English football's not so smooth operator. A song which was initially about a sleek, sly criminal has now been turned into a fable about football's most dastardly, blatant and blunt ball winner Lee Cattermole.

There is a good chance you'll get to hear it when Cattermole dives into a tackle later than a dead man who's been dead too long, which is just about every time he comes near the ball.

#9 \"Your teeth are offside, your teeth are offside, Luis Suarez, your teeth are offside\"

youtube-cover

A celebration of mandibles that would scare even the greatest of vikings. Luis Suarez is a player rival fans love to hate. The kind of hate that leads to funny little jingles about a player's imperfections, but Suarez doesn't have many, as a player and so the banter was directed at his enormously imperfect teeth.

The song is multi-purpose. It can also be sung when he his teeth are sunk deep into the flesh of the defender he is devouring.

#10 \"When you\'re sat in row Z, and the ball hits your head, that\'s Zamora\"

Bobby Zamora

Bobby Zamora is one of the lucky few to have had his lack of composure in front of goal immortalized in song. His penchance for missing the target after getting himself into incredibly good positions is almost unmatched. And so the song was born, composed by his own fans and carried over to every club he has played in. The song is one of his life's great achievements. So the next time he blasts the ball into the stratosphere, don't hesitate, join in.

Quick Links