In football, there are fans and there are "plastic fans"

As pointed out on the previous page, even a win can solicit only a couple of arguments from them before the discussion is shut down, primarily because even they realise that to talk more would mean that they would have to betray the fact that their knowledge of the game is next to nothing.

In the case of a defeat, some “plastic fans” do have the presence of mind to stay away from the wolfpack that is waiting for them on the World Wide Web. They’d rather be called cowards than risk the painful duty of having to defend their team, which is a prerogative of any self-respecting supporter. That’s the motto of all fan clubs, isn’t it? In victory or defeat, we stand by you.

The rest of the “plastic fans”, which is a huge majority by the way, do come out of their shells to admirably support their team. But remember, this is not out of any particular love for their club. It is because they want to be looked upon as sincere and legitimate fans, and they have seen that their team has to be defended even in defeat.

But alas, this is where they get caught. In their eagerness to apportion blame on the manager or the players or the opposition or the referee (seeing that is what the fans do), they invariably expose their lack of understanding of the game and say something utterly ridiculous that even embarrasses the genuine fans of their club (defending a two-footed tackle by claiming that one foot was pointing away from the player and hence was not worthy of a red card is one of the most insanely idiotic arguments I have ever heard, and I have been witness to quite a few in my lifetime).

Even Buzz feels the pain of the plastic

And as a result, invite all the bile that is invariably directed towards them.

Knowing the history of your club is yet another aspect which exposes the difference between a “plastic fan” and a genuine fan. When you whole-heartedly support a club because you want to tie yourself emotionally to its success and failures (and not because you want to be seen as one of the “cool” people), there would be a natural curiosity for you to want to know about your club’s past – the trophies they won, the managers they had, all the important events in its history.

While nobody expects you to reel off random stats and trivia at the slightest opportunity (which would only mean that you have absolutely no social life whatsoever), you are expected to know about all the important events, managers and players, and there can be no excuse for not knowing.

This is another area where the “plastic fan” miserably fails as he is not in for the emotional attachment, and therefore will not see the need to make a proper effort to know about the history of the club and its significance.

Any arguments stating, ‘things that happened before my time are not my problem and I don’t need to know’, are invalid. It’s like saying you don’t need to know about the struggle for independence just because you weren’t alive at that time. Yes, it is that moronic, and it calls for additional mud to be slinged at said fan.

Another myth about the “plastic fan” label is that it is only given to fans of clubs with new-found wealth. Rest assured, that is definitely not the case. Every successful club has its own band of “plastic fans”. Irrespective of whether you support Madrid, Barcelona, Chelsea, Arsenal (yes, even Arsenal who couldn’t be backed to win a trophy for close to a decade even if their life depended on it!), you will have “plastic fans”. Every Tom, Dick and Harry (mostly Dick though) is a Manchester United fan. Ask them about a famous player from the past and you won’t even get a squeak out of them!

So, dear reader, while I congratulate you for having patiently sat through this monologue, all I wish to say is that supporting a club is neither a lottery nor something you pick from a list of choices. Supporting a club is much more than that.

You need to find your calling; you need to fall in love with the club. It can be something as obscure as the colour of their jersey or something as complex as their style of play. But there has to be a connection that would make you emotionally entangle yourself in their fortunes. If you do not have that addiction, congratulations! You are a “plastic fan”.