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Total Recall 2012: Ridiculous Transfer Rumours

It’s that time of the year again! The winter transfer window is now not even a month away. Websites and newspapers abound with rumours – from the expected to the scarcely believable to the downright outrageous. Here, we are taking a look at things differently. Welcome to the most ridiculous transfer rumours that caught our eye this year.

Stewart Downing to Arsenal (November 2012) – Daily Mail

West Ham United v Liverpool - Premier League

It was rumoured that Arsene Wenger wanted to take unsettled Downing to Emirates for £10m. Ask any Arsenal fan whether he would have wanted this transfer to go through – and he will burst out laughing.  The Kop flop, who was a summer transfer to Anfield last year for a princely sum of £20m, has found games difficult to come by in the Rodgers era. He has been a liability on the wings – so much so that Rodgers was forced to shunt him to left back.  Now if Wenger decides that this is a sign of Downing’s versatility, one would be forced to question the reasonableness of The Professor.

Luis Nani to Everton (November 2012) – The Guardian

Chelsea v Manchester United - Capital One Cup Fourth Round

Nani  celebrates a goal with Anderson (L)

It is a well known fact that Sir Alex considers Nani dispensable to his squad and will be all too happy to see the Portuguese off his wage bill. But David Moyes taking him to the Merseyside…seriously? When you consider the fact how cash strapped the Toffees are; the £15m transfer fee added to the £90,000-a-week salary that Nani draws – you can well understand the mismatch in reality and expectation.

Mesut Ozil to Liverpool (September 2012) – Daily Mirror

It’s not too long ago that it was in the news that Mesut Ozil was feeling unsettled in Real Madrid by the arrival of Luka Modric and was on the lookout for a move abroad. Liverpool was the touted destination. This one does not make sense at all. Even the Reds faithful would have a hearty laugh over it. Why on earth would Ozil leave the La Liga holders and Champions League hopefuls to move to a club struggling in mid-table in the English Premier League?  And after the imperious performances he dished out at Euro 2012, in case he decided to move – there would be no dearth of suitors.

Andy Carroll to AC Milan (August 2012) – Caught Offside

Another one of Kenny Daglish’s big-money purchases which flopped spectacularly. It was rumoured that Silvio Berlusconi’s son was a huge fan of the English international and he would be a purported target for the Rossoneri in the summer. That deal never materialised and Carroll would subsequently be loaned out to West Ham where he has had a largely forgetful and injury-prone campaign. The Kop would have surely blessed Pier Silvio if he could have convinced his dad to part with the kind of money that Liverpool paid to Newcastle for the Geordie’s services.

Laurent Koscielny to Barcelona (July 2012) – Metro

Barcelona’s struggle in the back-four is pretty well documented. Injuries to Puyol, Pique and Alves meant that there were times Mascherano and Busquets had to fill in at centre-back roles. For someone who has struggled to nail down a regular place in two years at his club – a transfer to Camp Nou looked highly improbable. What was going on in the mind of Tito Vilanova – a title winning team with Koscielny at the heart of the defence? Now that is one thought which would make the Blaugrana faithful squirm uneasily in their seats.

Wayne Rooney to PSG (May 2012) – talkSPORT

There was a buzz in the summer transfer window that moneybags PSG was prepared to splash out a humongous £120m in order to land Manchester United star Wayne Rooney. It was preposterous considering the transfer, if it went through, would have broken the £80m record sum that took Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid by some margin. And there was no way that Alex Ferguson would be prepared to part with one of his key assets.

Cristiano Ronaldo to Man City (April 2012, resurfacing in September 2012) – Daily Mirror

After endearing himself to the Old Trafford faithful – why on earth would Ronaldo want a transfer to their Noisy Neighbours. Is the thought of playing alongside James Milner and Gareth Barry so irresistible for the Portuguese star? Or does the thought of getting knocked out of European competition in the group stage itself look all too enticing to him?

Fernando Torres to Anzhi (March 2012, resurfacing in December 2012) – Daily Mail

When Torres swapped Anfield for Stamford Bridge, the talk of the town was that it was really a Roman Abramovich move. It is also rumoured that Roberto Di Matteo was sacked because he disobeyed the Russian oligarch’s diktat that Torres must feature in the starting lineup (this is another of the many conspiracy theories doing the rounds). And it is also rumoured that Rafael Benitez was instated into the Chelsea hot-seat to try and rediscover the form of Torres which made him one of the most feared strikers in at world while at Liverpool. If any of this is true – it seems inconceivable that Roman will be willing to let the Spaniard leave Stamford Bridge anytime soon. More so the fact that as Torres already receives a fat pay-check (in the range of £175,000 – £200,000 a week) at Chelsea, he would have little interest in swapping London for Makhachkala.

Junior Hoilett to Bayern Munich (February 2012) – Metro

It was rumoured across several websites and newspapers that Canadian Junior Hoilett who plied his trade for relegation-threatened Blackburn Rovers was on the verge of a cut-price move to the Bavaria giants. One is at a loss to understand as to why Bayern would be even contemplating such a deal. No disrespect to the player, but he does not represent the kind of signing the Die Roten fans hanker after. Shaqiri and Javi Martinez are. As a result, Hoilett finds himself at QPR, again embroiled in a relegation dogfight.

Steven Fletcher to Real Madrid (January 2012) – The People

Sunderland v Reading - Premier League

Now this is as ridiculous as it gets. It was rumoured that the Spanish giants are on the lookout for fresh blood for their B team. A £12m fee (the sum for which Fletcher moved to Sunderland in the summer) for a B-Team player. What was Mourinho thinking? Fletcher as an eventual replacement for Benzema or Higuain? Wake up, Jose!

We are well aware of the fact that this is not an exhaustive list. Transfer rumours are flying left, right and centre and a vast majority of them are not going to take place anytime soon. If you think you can add to it, do mention them in the comments below.

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