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Being a narcissist is not just slang but rather has a history attached to it. Way before the first selfie, the ancient Greeks and Romans had a myth about someone a little too obsessed with his own image.
In one version of the myth, Narcissus was a handsome guy wandering the world in search of someone to love. After rejecting a nymph named Echo, he caught a glimpse of his own reflection in a river and fell in love with it. Unable to tear himself away, Narcissus drowned.
A flower marks the spot where he died, and it is called Narcissus. This myth captures the basic idea of narcissism, elevated and sometimes detrimental self-involvement. It's a set of traits classified and studied by psychologists.
The psychological definition of narcissism is an inflated, grandiose self-image. To varying degrees, narcissists think they're better looking, smarter, and more important than other people, and that they deserve special treatment.
Characteristics of Narcissists
The signature characteristics of many personality disorders can be quite unpleasant, such as the case of narcissistic personality disorder.
Interacting with an NPD sufferer can be confusing, frustrating, and even hurtful. NPD individuals often overlook or ignore many of aspects that make them unlikable. Here are six characteristics of narcissism:
1) Superiority and Entitlement
The most prominent indicator of narcissism is superiority. That's different from self-confidence. It's all about good/bad, superior/inferior, and right/wrong in the narcissist's universe. The narcissist is at the top of the hierarchy, as that's the only place they feel comfortable.
Everything must be done their way: They must own everything, and they must be in complete control of everyone. They believe they have the right to injure you or demand an apology to 'set things right' in addition to receiving consoling attention and compensation. This is called hidden or susceptible narcissism.
2) Exploitation
Narcissism and empathy don't go hand in hand. People with narcissism are unwilling to see the world from the perspective of others.
As a result, they're able to exploit others without any feelings of remorse. They can manipulate people to fulfill their own needs without regard for the consequences their actions may have on others.
3) Belittling Others
Narcissist think they're the best and brightest, so singing proof that dictates otherwise, like someone who're more talented than they are in a particular activity, is a rude shock for them.
The response is to make sure that the person is below them, where the narcissists feel most others belong. They try to be dismissive of the other person to show that they don't really care about them. If that doesn't work, they resort to personal attacks. They belittle and intimidate the other person to assert their superiority over them.
4) Lack of Boundaries
Many people lack boundaries or frequently cross others', but for narcissists, that's standard behavior. Narcissists struggle to distinguish between themselves and others.
They think that everything is theirs, everyone shares their feelings and thoughts, and that they are all driven by the same desires. When they are told something to the contrary, they get astonished and severely insulted.
A narcissist can take extreme measures to obtain what they want from you, whether by perseverance, coaxing, demanding, rejecting, or sulking.
5) Gaslighting
Have you ever noticed the feeling that you can't remember anything correctly around a specific person? When you are with that person, do you feel a little like you've lost your mind? That's due to gaslighting. A tactic narcissists use to manipulate and gain power and control over those around them.
Gaslighting is frightening, as it's insidious. The manipulation is lengthy and gradual, so the victim doesn't notice it happening, like when you grow taller.
The end result of the long-term gradual manipulation is the devastation of the victim. It can reduce the healthiest and most confident person down to being a shaky paranoid shell. The victim no longer believes they know what's real, so they adopt the reality of the abuser, giving the narcissist full control.
6) Not Taking Criticism Well
Have you ever commented on something someone said, and they lashed out at you? Perhaps the reaction was more hostile than expected?
Narcissists think they're superior to others around them and believe themselves to be infallible. They react poorly, maybe yelling, throwing a tantrum, or show another unreasonable response, when they perceive what you have said could be criticism.
Takeaway
Narcissism is a personality trait and not a personality disorder. If narcissism is interfering with your everyday life, it's advisable to visit a mental health professional.
As it's a personality trait, there is no 'cure' for it. However, a mental health professional can help you or someone you know is a narcissist manage the traits and understand how they impact their life.
Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.
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