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Passive-aggressive personality disorder, also known as a negativistic personality disorder, is characterized by procrastination, obstructionism, inefficiency, and stubbornness. This phrase or label is no longer used in DSM-5, and it is not one of the 10 specific personality disorders.
In the previous edition, DSM-IV defined passive-aggressive personality disorder as a proposed disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in a variety of contexts.
Symptoms of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour personality disorder
Symptoms of Passive-aggressive personality disorder may include (but are not limited to) the following:
- Indicating indirect hostility (such as giving back-handed compliments)
- Avoiding eye contact with coworkers, friends, and loved ones on purpose.
- Displaying sullen behaviour (e.g. sulking or appearing moody)
- Making others feel uncomfortable by using the silent treatment
- Ineffective communication (or not communicating at all)
- Failure to complete the necessary tasks
- Arriving late for meetings or family events on purpose.
What are the causes of passive-aggressive personality disorder?
Experts generally consider passive aggression to be a learned behavior pattern that often begins in childhood, but no single specific cause has been identified.
Some of the factors that may play a role in the development of passive-aggressive personality disorder include:
1) Family dynamics and parenting style
If you weren't allowed to question your caregivers or say "no", you probably figured out other ways to oppose rules or commands that you thought were harsh, unfair, or unjust. The use of passive-aggressive behavior may have provided a way to obey while still resisting.
2) Fear of rejection
If you were abused, neglected, or rejected by family members as a child or romantic partners as an adult, you may have quickly learned the importance of keeping people happy in order to protect yourself.
This can lead to a habit of accommodating others by agreeing to whatever they suggest. Of course, if you disagree or prefer to do things differently, you may find yourself expressing some of your frustration indirectly.
3) The dread of conflict
People with passive-aggressive personality disorder struggle with tension and conflict in close personal relationships. You may be concerned that expressing your true feelings will harm friendships and relationships, or that it will negatively impact the opinion of a coworker or supervisor of yours. You end up keeping your opinions to yourself to avoid criticism and conflict.
4) Expression of emotions is difficult
Not everyone finds it easy to express (or even recognize) emotions, particularly unpleasant or unwanted ones.
If identifying and sharing your feelings is difficult for you, or if you believe they will affect how others perceive you, you may suppress them. Even if you avoid expressing your anger and irritation directly, they may manifest in your mood and behavior.
Dealing with a person with Passive-aggressive personality disorder
According to experts, the best way to deal with Passive-aggressive personality disorder is to exercise caution and care. Telling someone they are passive-aggressive may be counterproductive because it frequently exacerbates their behavior.
Some therapists believe that ignoring passive-aggressive behavior by pretending not to notice it is the most effective way to deal with it. If ignoring passive-aggressive behavior is impossible, you should put some distance between yourself and the passive-aggressive.
1) Don't make assumptions
It's tempting to say things like, "you seem upset," or "I get the impression you're disappointed." However, these attempts to empathize can occasionally backfire, leaving the other person feeling attacked rather than understood.
2) Pose polite questions
Respect and consideration can help to soothe hurt feelings and keep the situation calm. "How do you feel about what I suggested?" or "Can I ask what's on your mind?" can lead to more productive communication.
3) Remind them that it's okay to express their emotions
Some people are afraid to disagree or express their opinions. If that's the case, reminding them that it's okay to disagree and talk things out can be beneficial. "I know you said my idea was fine, but I'd love to hear any thoughts you have," you could say.
Inform them that you are willing to collaborate on finding solutions. Similarly, it never hurts to dive right into collaboration. "What are your thoughts?" "Do you have any alternative suggestions?" These ideas may not work out, but they may feel better knowing you welcome and consider them.
4) Be patient and compassionate
Remember that passive-aggressive personality disorder may be related to harsh parenting techniques, conflict, or tension in previous relationships. Patience is essential when attempting the steps outlined above.
Allow them some breathing room. Sometimes people just need some space to process their emotions. Once you've talked things through, it may be beneficial to put things on hold so they can process their disappointment or frustration.
It's perfectly acceptable to disagree with others, to be frustrated when things don't go your way, and to become enraged when people treat you unfairly. However, passively expressing these emotions is unlikely to help and may worsen the situation.
Conversely, communicating your feelings assertively can help improve your interactions and relationships, as well as your overall emotional health. With the right treatment, you can learn to manage Passive-aggressive personality disorder.
Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.
