What does stem mean on TikTok? LGBTQ label explained

The word "stem", which is widely recognized as a term in Biology or Botany, now has another meaning on TikTok. For the LGBTQ community, the word now stands for something entirely different - something that does not have any connection whatsoever with plants.

The TikTok LGBTQ community is using the word to refer to a label in the lesbian spectrum that is used to define their romantic orientation or preferences.

The word is prominent among the women-loving-women (WLW) community, which encompasses women or those who identify as women, who experience romantic and/or s*xual attraction to other women or women-aligned individuals.

One TikTok creator, @ohshayshecute, explained the term in response to another user's comment, which said:

"I could tell you were female, wat is a stem tho?"

@ohshayshecute said at the end of the video that they label themselves as a stem.

View on TikTok

---

Origin of the queer label "stem"

As stated in Her, a queer dating app, the term "stem" is a portmanteau of the words "stud" and "femme". It demonstrates a queer woman who dresses like both a stud and a femme and is attracted to women or woman-identifying individuals romantically and/or s*xually.

As per the glossary of the app Her, "stud" refers to a butch woman or a non-binary individual who is Latinx or Black. Studs are said to gravitate towards masculine aesthetics.

Urban Dictionary, on the other hand, has defined "stud" as a lesbian woman who is dominant and in control of the relationship. In terms of s*xual dynamic, it refers to the lesbian partner who tops during int*rcourse.

However, it should be noted that white lesbians should not be referred to as studs, as the term was coined exclusively for Black and Latinx women back in the 1960s.

In a 1965 Washington University thesis called Girls in the Back Room: Looking at the Lesbian Bar, there is a description of a bar run by working-class Black lesbians. The bar was described as being filled with “studs and fishes” aka “butches and femmes”.

View on TikTok

Stud and butch identities are described by Kerry Manders, the New York Times writer, as “a defiant repudiation of the male gaze.” However, studs are considered to be more stylish and fashionable than butch women.

At the other end of the spectrum lies a femme lesbian, who typically dons feminine attire and completely embraces her femininity. Some femmes are often misappropriated as straight women. Another outdated term for femmes is “lipstick lesbian”.

Combining both stud and femme, one gets the label “stem” or “stemme”, which is often used to describe a “soft butch”, someone who may prefer more masculine outfits, but is also into stunning makeup products and has a high sense of fashion.

A stemme can build furniture, do construction work, and still wear her eyeliner on fleek and have her nails manicured, added with fiery red nail paint.

View on TikTok

It is important to note that these labels are created so that queer individuals can find and define themselves within the LGBTQ community. They are not intended to bind people into set characteristics. A queer-identifying individual can have their own definition of these terms as they perceive.