WWE Fastlane 2017 was the final Pay-Per-View on the road to WrestleMania 33 and to say it was a tepid show would be an understatement. Not to discredit the likes of the Cruiserweight Championship Match, Samoa Joe vs. Sami Zayn, or even Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman, but much of the rest of the night felt very off. There are plenty of reasons for what happened on the show to contribute to this but it might also be for what didn’t happen on the show.
Both The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar were speculated to make run-ins at some point during the night but neither ended up happening. Paul Heyman even showed up and hinted that his client might cause some devastation but of course he didn’t. Those would’ve been welcomed surprises but instead can now be filed away in the drawer of “ideas that could’ve made this show slightly better.”
As much as those non-appearances left a void for us, viewers, it’s now time to move on to the events that did happen. The following 5 entries are the botchiest and most outrageous moments from WWE Fastlane 2017, a show that failed to ignite the wrestling world with buzz.
5. Booker names the dirty bird
The outrageousness started just a few minutes into the pre-show. The panel kicked the discussion back to the social media lounge, a spot usually hosted by Tom Phillips. Not only was Tom Phillips not backstage hosting, but Booker T hilariously asked where the “Dirty Bird” was.
Of course the 5-time champ was referring to the unfortunate social media scandal that involved him allegedly cheating on a fiance. It’s surprising that he faced any actual punishment for these accusations but at least Charly Caruso is getting an opportunity for more screen time.
4. Stuck on the tarmac
Mick Foley had to run this show by himself becuase Stephanie was stuck on a plane that was delayed. She remarked that she didn’t like having to watch the show on her phone, but how much of the show was she actually watching? In the first hour or so it felt like she spent quite a lot of time using her phone to micromanage Mick Foley, which would make it impossible to use the same phone to run th WWE Network app.
Actually, we didn’t really hear anything from her around the time that Rusev and Jinder Mahal had their matches, so it’s probably better that she probably saw what was going on. Someone needs to be held accountable for that.
3. No one wants skeeted ice cream
New Day ice cream sounded like a good idea but after the debut of the product at Fastlane, I’m no longer so sure. From the opening moments of lustfully making out with the ice cream cart to the proclamation that they’ve skeeted stickers everywhere, there’s something fishy going on here.
Also read: Twitter reacts to WWE Fastlane 2017
Is “skeet” even PG? The standards of 2017 might be different from a generation ago but I’d question if even D-X at their most provacative could’ve gotten away with a word that so blatantly describes...well, what “skeet” describes. It’s probably best not to Google the word if you’re unsure of what it means.
2. Missing the elbows
Bayley defended her Raw Women’s Championship against Charlotte and had an unfornate botch while trying to drop an elbow off the bottom rope. Not only did she have trouble getting started on the first attempt, she completely whiffed it when she tried again a second time.
The ending of this contest could also be considered a bit of a botch. Sasha’s interference looked like she did get even a slight bit off offense against Charlotte, even if it was just a faint slap. If someone really wanted to scrutinize the replay footage, Charlotte might’ve technically won this match by DQ.
1 Two moves – new champ
The entirety of the main event was entirely predictable but still shocking and outrageous. Chris Jericho’s music played, distracting Kevin Owens. Bill Goldberg did his thing and won one of the biggest prizes in all of wrestling without putting forth hardly any effort.
Goldberg is a fun nostalgia act and he looks great but should a man that can only wrestle for a minute and a half at best really be defending the Universal Championship on the biggest show of the year? He can still wrestle Brock Lesnar and that will still be a marquee match, but shouldn’t actual wrestling get factored into the Mania main event?
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