Music is an essential part of professional wrestling and has been for at least the past couple of decades. The first few notes of a wrestler's entrance theme alone can send crowds into a frenzy. Wrestlers themselves and their themes become entwined over the course of their career. After all, nobody hears “Real American” and thinks, “Oh, hey, this is that Rick Derringer song.” Well, except for maybe Rick Derringer.
But, while many successful wrestlers have incorporated elements of music and music culture into their characters, some performers have decided to portray themselves as real musicians. The concept in of itself isn’t that unusual - after all, if there can be wrestling dentists, cops, and sanitation workers, why not musicians? With most not-a-wrestler wrestling gimmicks, though, they're hit-or-miss, and they miss more often than they hit.
Just recently, my Facebook feed has been full of people posting the concerts they’ve seen in the past; it gave me the idea to go back and think of some of the worst - and slightly less worse - music based gimmicks in history. These are the gimmicks where the wrestler either performed music themselves (or pretended to, anyway) or - in one particular instance - were associated with someone else who did. We are not, however, including musicians (such as Insane Clown).
So, are you ready to rock?
#5 “Best”: 3 Count - boy band - WCW
Hear me out here.
3 Count was a WCW “boy band” tag team featuring Shane Helms, Shannon Moore, and Evan Karagais. In the late 1990s, boy bands and pop music were huge, and as wrestling promotions are usually wont to do, WCW attempted to capitalise on it. However, in a pretty clever twist, 3 Count was purposefully terrible at music - singing insipid lyrics off key and poorly trying synchronised dance moves. They were the personification of what most wrestling fans at the time thought of that style of music.
Of course, like most things, WCW had to go and screw it up, but it was pretty impressive conceptually.
#5 Worst: Aiden English - opera singer - WWE
Hear me out here, as well.
On top of being a pretty skilled worker, Aiden English is - in fact - a pretty decent singer.
I mean, he’s no Freddie Mercury, but he can carry a tune. And he also has the arrogant, pretentious heel act down pretty well, too.
The problem is that for this gimmick to work, you have to either be an amazing singer (wrestling fans hate heels who brag about how great they are and then prove it) or a terrible (and therefore delusional) singer. English is just okay - and so the fans don’t care.
Now, I know that musical taste is subjective but think about it like this - English (Eddie Guererro’s son-in-law) didn’t make it to the main roster until he dropped the singing and formed a tag team.
#4 “Best” John Cena - rapper - WWE
You wouldn’t know it by watching him now (when he’s actually on TV), but John Cena got to where he is in the WWE now in part because of his rapping talent. In 2002, with his career a bit directionless, Cena cut a freestyle rap while dressed as Vanilla Ice for that year’s Halloween episode. This was the impetus for his “Doctor of Thuganomics” character.
The main difference between this and other failed music gimmicks is that while Cena may have been rapping, he didn’t play himself as a rapper who was also a wrestler. He was a wrestler who also liked to rap. Again, music taste is subjective, but apparently, he was good enough to cut an album that sold reasonably well and also, you know, become the biggest wrestling star of the last decade.
Also read: 5 Dumbest WWE tag team names
#4 Worst: P.N. News - rapper - WCW
In the immortal words of Tony Stark, “now there’s this guy.”
“Rapmaster” P.N. News was introduced to WCW fans in 1991 and, much like he did with his finisher - a top rope splash called “The Broken Record” - landed with a thud. He would come to the ring to some generic early 90s hip-hop, climb into the ring, and start to rap - with lyrics that were usually just a variation of “yo baby, yo baby, yo.” Seriously. Watch for yourself.
Sadly, on top of being a not-so-good rapper, News was also a not-so-good wrestler. Combine that with a predominately southern US crowd that hadn’t really embraced hip-hop (not trying to generalise anybody but, you know…), and PN News flopped worse than Young MC’s second album.
In other news, I am clearly a hip-hop historian.
#3 “Best”: Jeff Jarrett/Jesse James - singer - WWE
This whole gimmick and story from the mid-90s were so goofy and dumb that, in a weird way, it actually worked. The story was that Jeff Jarrett (you know, J-E-Double F…) was an aspiring country singer that was going to use the then-WWF to find success in the music business. Now, he never actually explained how that was going to work, but that was his plan. Apparently, it sort of worked because before you knew it, Jarrett not only had a music video but got himself a roadie as well.
‘However, Jarrett left the WWF, and it turned out that it was actually his roadie - Jesse James (get it? He’s also Double J!) - who was singing “With My Baby Tonight” the entire time! Neither men got any traction with their own musician gimmicks, but they did go on to individual success on their own. In fact, they both each held the Intercontinental title at least once. As for the gimmick itself, it was fun and sort of worked but just played itself out.
Also read: 5 WWE moves that hurt like hell in real life
#3 Worst: Maxx Payne (WCW)/Man Mountain Rock(WWE) and Van Hammer (WCW) - guitarist
A bit of explanation is in order here as it’s not my intent to confuse anyone. First, Maxx Payne and Man Mountain Rock are the same guy. Also, that same guy actually knows how to play the guitar. Van Hammer does not - or, if he does, he’s never actually done it on television. Maxx Payne was a dark, brooding character who played the guitar. Man Mountain Rock was a bright, happy character who played the guitar. Van Hammer was a meathead who carried around a guitar, at least.
Unfortunately, even if you can play the guitar, “able to play the guitar” isn’t a gimmick with a lot of staying power. “Pretending you can play the guitar”, even more so.
#2 “Best”: The West Texas Rednecks - band
In 1999, WCW was all about getting celebrities involved in wrestling. One of the less inspired collaborations was with rapper Master P and his “No Limit Soldiers” who, to be fair, were pretty big at the time. WCW decided to bring them in a feud with the West Texas Rednecks - a group comprised of Curt Hennig; Barry and Kendall Windham Bobby Duncum, Jr.; and Curly Bill (aka Virgil) - only three of which were actually from Texas.
Originally portrayed as the villains, the Rednecks formed a band and performed the song “Rap Is Crap.”
#2 Worst: The Maestro – pianist – WCW
Poor Maestro. The man also known as Robert Kellum wrestled for WCW in 2000 in what was actually a pretty inspired gimmick - that did not go over well at all.
Kellum could actually play the piano. On top of that, he was a reasonably skilled worker and even had some pretty hefty lineage, as well - his great-uncle was the original Gorgeous George. In fact, he went by Gorgeous George III in the Indies before coming to WCW. He would come to the ring in a cape and suit and wave a conductor’s wand and would sometimes play the piano, and no one really liked it. I’m sure Kellum, who has experience in mixed martial arts and still works the indies, would rather forget it ever happened.
#1 “Best”: The Honky Tonk Man - Elvis - WWF
In the world of pro wrestling, it was almost inevitable that someone was eventually going to take up an “Elvis impersonator” gimmick. After all, there was George Ring, the Wrestle Beatle. Why not Elvis. And, when Honky Tonk Man first started in the WWF, he played the character straight, as a face. It did not go over well. So, he simply reinvented himself as a cocky, arrogant heel - complete with a sleazy manager, “Col.” Jimmy Hart (much like Elvis’s manager, Col. Tom Parker).
It worked. Honky recorded his own theme music, carried around “gold records”, strummed his guitar, was followed around by his “backup singers”, and more. He went all-in with the gimmick, and the fans hated him. He was the longest reigning Intercontinental champion in history and even had his own “band” when he teamed with Greg Valentine as “Rhythm and Blues”.
He may not have been the best wrestler, but Honky had the best music related gimmick ever.
#1 Worst: The Kiss Demon - who the hell knows? - WCW
Ugh.
So, remember how we were talking about how WCW loved to get celebrities involved, but never actually knew how to use them - or overestimated how over they’d get with their fans. Nowhere is this better exemplified than with the debacle that was the KISS Demon.
WCW President Eric Bischoff is a huge fan of the band KISS and, in 1998, struck a deal with the band to perform a live concert on a WCW new year’s special and introduce a new character based on them. Instead, KISS played one song at the end of an episode of Nitro, and the Demon was revealed. It was the lowest rated Nitro segment in history.
The contract with KISS included a clause that the KISS Demon would wrestle in at least one PPV main event - which happened in a “special main event” match against The Wall - in the fourth match of SuperBrawl 2000, which the Demon lost.
Just the worst.
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